"To agree or disagree, this can be a tough choice to make for some"
To agree means to support someone else’s belief. To disagree is the opposite.
When we disagree with others, we can end up in negative state. In those moments, we can experience negative emotions and thoughts such as fear, anger etc which can result in unhappiness within.
This article will explore the negative states of the mind that one can experience when disagreeing with other selves and look at the ways in which the mind can be transformed through such challenging experience.
Disagreement In Depth
We all have the free-will to make our own choices on what we believe is right and wrong. So inherently there is nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone.
However to create greater happiness in life, the negative states of the mind that one experiences when in disagreement with Other Selves must be addressed. This is because these negative states of the mind can create confusion and unhappiness inside – which is impractical and unnecessary.
This article will look at the following 3 scenarios
The experience of confusion when one cannot make a decision whether or not to disagree with someone.
he experience of anger when one reject someone elses' beliefs.
he experience of anger when one's beliefs are rejected by others.
Importance Of Addressing Disagreement
It is important to address the confusion of whether or not to disagree with someone because when there is confusion, it means that there is a lack of Self-Knowing – i.e. it is a sign that there is a Dark Part of The Self that is waiting to be discovered.
Developing Self-Knowing can help one to discover clearer, i.e. to become sensitive and more aware of one’s own feelings and opinions. When one becomes more Self-Knowing, one will be able to step out of the grey area and make more decisive decisions.
Through developing Self-Knowing, one will be able to also discover the causes for confusion and these will be the negative states of the mind.
For instance, when we have a fear of hurting the other self, this can create confusion in the mind as to whether or not we should express ideas which can clash with others'.
For instance, when we have a fear of hurting ourselves (i.e. being laughed at by others), we can hold ourselves back from expressing our own opinions.
Realize that the fear of hurting others or hurting oneself is the same thing because to the deeper mind there is really just One Self.
It’s important to address the confusion experienced within because when we choose to not express ourselves, we can end up becoming an “Unclear Self.” When this happens, people will find it difficult to know who we really are. It will become unclear to others whether or not we agree or disagree, whether or not we like or dislike, where are boundaries are, who we are and so forth. Therefore when we are an Unclear Self, it can be difficult for relationships to deepen even further.
When one cannot disagree with others, others can also take advantage of this and cross over personal boundaries i.e. taking advantage of the other self. When we lack the ability to express our own opinions we can also easily be “peer-pressured” to do things that we do not truly desire.
It is also important to address the negativities that we can face when we are in the state of disagreeing with others. These negative states of the mind can include judgement, anger, doubts, fear of losing etc. Working on these will take one on the journey of developing Compassion, Forgiveness, Self-Confidence, Trust – All forms of Self-Acceptance which will transform the mind.
Usually the metaphysical aspect of Self-Transformation is not mentioned, but negativities to do with disagreement can manifest as throat disorders.
If one has throat disorders, one can question oneself as to how honest one is at expressing themselves to the world.
Path Of Creator
The journey of Self-Transformation is about developing greater happiness.
The destination is towards Knowing ourselves expressing ourselves as honestly as we can, to reach a state where we can agree and disagree without experiencing confusion or the negative states of the mind.
The journey begins and ends with Self-Knowing.
This is about developing the awareness of all levels of The Self i.e. the desires of the Physical Self, the desires of the Emotional Self, the Mental Self, Intuitional Self deeper and deeper until all the desires of The Self is made aware.
The journey will take one to discover that confusions are the results of the negativities of the mind. These includes negativities such as anger, fears, doubts.
To transform and release these negativities, we develop Self-Acceptance, towards others, and towards ourselves.
The Suffering At The Idea Level
As the Seed Cause of Sufferings can be said to recede to Negative Ideas. Let us look at some Negative Ideas which can create the suffering states of the mind in times of disagreement.
"It is not ok to disagree / agree”
“It is not ok to hurt someone”
“It is not ok to lose an argument” etc.
To transform the Negative Ideas, one will have to develop the Knowing Of The Self. To accelerate the release one can go through various spiritual lessons which are specific to themselves. And often the journey can be hazy and confusing without a Still Mind. That is why it is important to incorporate Meditation in one’s life if one wishes to address their Sufferings at the Seed Level.
The following are some wisdom that can help one to alleviate the confusion and accelerate one’s journey into Transforming and Releasing the Negative Ideas.
Developing and Refining The Love
People who wish to “Love” people as best as they can will often be the ones who will find the most difficulty in disagreeing with the Other Self out of the fear of hurting others or out of fear of being judged by others as not being loving.
The wisdom that most Selves will accumulate in their life journey is that love is about the process of refinement. And for love to be refined even further will require the development of wisdom. Developing wisdom from life experiences will slowly teach us that the quality of Love when it is only directed outwards can never be as strong and refined when it is directed also inwards. Thus to refine love is to balance the direction of love. So to simply agree with others without also agreeing with ourselves will create an imbalance of the direction of love. Thus the journey of Self-Transformation will take one to realize ways to address this imbalance of direction of love.
The spiritual lesson of losing arguments
There will be a time in life when we will have to engage in an argument with someone whether it is big or small. In such a situation, there can be a desire to win, the desire not to lose the argument.
In life, it will take time for us to realize that having a better idea than someone, and having the ability to win arguments with them are two very different things. For instance, it can be likely that the other person simply may have better skills at debate than you even though you may have a more superior idea or opinion, the other person may have more supporters around them than you even though you think you are right, the other person can also win against you through confidence alone.
In these situations where it seems that we have lost an argument, it can make us feel like a loser. It can make us feel small, vulnerable, unloved, unfair.
However, these kind of experiences are greatly beneficial for Self-Transformation, that is if we know how to use it to our advantage.
Through these experiences, we have to turn our attention inwards, to ask ourselves “Why can’t I just accept myself for losing? Why do I perceive myself as a failure? Why can I not just unconditionally love myself?”
Asking these questions will help one to develop greater Self-Knowing and Self-Acceptance, to realize that the negativities that we are experiencing inside is not necessarily judgement or anger towards others, but rather towards ourselves. And as we realize this truth with deeper clarity, we will be able to address the cause of the unhappiness at the root - which is the lack of Self-Acceptance - helping to transform the mind.
Remember, to the deeper mind there is only One Self.
So developing Self-Acceptance is the key to Self-Transformation.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Whenever you experience moments when you encounter the confusion of whether or not to express your opinions you can simply ask the following question -
“What is stopping me from expressing my opinions honestly?”
“What are the fears and negativities behind the experience?”
And then simply focus on working on finding the answers to these questions rather than dwelling on whether or not to express yourself. The latter is simply a matter of decision making and how to make that choice will become clearer as the confusions and fears are cleared.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
When you meditate and find yourself dwelling in the thoughts of disagreeing with someone, simply observe it with a Calm Mind with the intention to not exaggerate it/ to blow it up/ to diminish it. Simply let it go through accepting that person inside for who they are. It is ok for everyone to have opinions even though it may not resonate with yours.
Similarly, if you find yourself being angry at yourself for losing an argument in your meditation sessions, observe it as it is, and let it go naturally by realizing that it is ok to lose, that it is ok for the situation to have happened, that it is ok for you to not have won the argument. Doing so will help you to accept reality as it is and to accept yourself as it is, no matter what happens.
Know and Transform The Self!
Try the 10 Day One-Self Catalyst to uncover your deepest Negative Ideas / States of Self-Rejection. In this course you will realize that you cannot agree with a part of others because you cannot agree with that part of yourself. The One Self Catalyst will help you to see the wisdom through such experiences so that you can experience greater happiness in life.