"To agree or disagree, it can be a tough question!"
To agree with someone is defined here as the act of supporting someone's belief; to disagree is defined here as going against it.
In this article, we will explore the negative states of mind one can experience when disagreeing with Other Selves, such as the states of fear and anger, and look at the ways to transform these negative states of mind for greater happiness.
Disagreement In Depth
We all have the free will to decide what ideas are right or wrong. So inherently, there is nothing wrong with the act of disagreeing with someone. Everyone is born different. It's only natural to have different and unique ideas! Thus it's natural to agree and disagree!
But even though we may know this Truth, why is it that we can still experience unhappiness and unpleasant emotions in moments when others have ideas that are different to ours?
To be happier in life, the cause of one's unhappiness must be explored.
So, this article will look at the following 3 scenarios.
The state of confusion when one cannot decide whether or not to disagree with someone.
The experience of anger when one is in the state of rejecting someone's belief.
The experience of anger when one's beliefs are being rejected by others.
Importance Of Addressing Disagreement
It is important to address the confusion of whether or not to disagree with someone because confusion is a sign that one is lacking Self-Knowing, that there is an unchartered part of the Mind that is waiting to be explored and illuminated.
Developing Self-Knowing can certainly help one to know one's desires clearer. Practices such as yoga and meditation can help one to develop such Self-Knowing. Through these practices, one can become ever more sensitive to one's thoughts and feelings
Through the practice of Self-Knowing, one will gradually realize that the the cause of one's confusion will always recede back to one's Suffering States of the mind.
For instance, when we have a fear of hurting other people's feelings, this can conflict with our desires to express ourselves honestly. As a result, deep confusions can be experienced as to whether or not to express oneself.
For instance, when we have a fear of being hurt by others (i.e. being laughed at by others), we can also end up in such a confused state. The confusions we experience can sometimes even make us decide that the best thing to do is to not do anything. As a result, the confusions and sufferings remain and continue to haunt us.
In choosing not to express ourselves, we can also end up becoming an “Unclear Self”. When this happens, people will never know who we really are. As a result, people may just assume that we will agree on everything, and some people may even take advantage of that fact.
Also, when we fail to express what we truly dislike, and the limits of our boundaries, it can be difficult for relationships to deepen even further.
When we cannot express our own opinions, we can also easily be “peer-pressured” into doing things we don't want to do.
It is also important to address the negativities that we can experience when we are in the state of disagreeing with others. These negative states of the mind can include the states of judgement, anger, doubts, fear of losing etc. Working on these will take one on the journey of developing Compassion, Forgiveness, Self-Confidence, Trust.
Thus behind the issues of disagreeing with others lies many spiritual lessons!
Metaphysically speaking, negativities to do with disagreement can manifest as throat disorders. Thus, if one has throat disorders, one can question whether one is truly being honest with oneself and the world. This can be quite revealing.
Path Of Creator
The destination is towards Knowing ourselves and expressing ourselves as honestly as we can and reaching a state of mind where we can agree and disagree without experiencing any negativities.
The journey is about developing Self-Awareness, i.e. of all levels of The Self: the desires of the Physical Self, the desires of the Emotional Self, the Mental Self, Intuitional Self deeper and deeper until one is aware of the desires at all levels of the Self.
The journey will take one to discover that negative states of the mind will always create confusion about how to be.
To transform the negative states of mind is done through developing Self-Acceptance.
The Suffering At The Idea Level
As the Seed Cause of Sufferings are Negative Ideas, let us look at some of the Negative Ideas one can encounter in times of disagreement.
"It is not ok to disagree / agree.”
“It is not ok to hurt someone.”
“It is not ok to lose an argument.”
To transform the Negative Ideas, one begins with Self-Knowing.
To accelerate the transformative process, one can go through various spiritual lessons specific to themselves.
Often the journey of Self-Transformation will be one filled with confusion especially if one embarks on the journey with an Unstill mind. That is why it is important to incorporate Meditation into one’s life if one wishes to address their Sufferings at the Seed Level.
The following are some pieces of wisdom that can help one to alleviate the confusions one may face on their journey.
Developing and Refining Love
Those who are always striving to be loving and kind can often find difficulty in disagreeing with others out of the fear of hurting people's feelings or being judged by them as unloving.
But with time, one will realize that love is something that can always be refined. The development of wisdom is what can refine Love to another level. Thus greater love can always be exercised when it is coupled with wisdom.
Life experiences will always teach us that the quality of Love when it is only directed in one direction will always reach a point when it can no longer grow. To refine love is to learn how to balance the direction of love in two directions—both inwards and outwards. Such path is a more difficult path, but more rewarding.
So if one were to simply agree with others all the time without also learning to agree with oneself, there will be little refinement of the Knowing of what Love is. Thus the journey of Self-Transformation will take one to realize the ways to address this imbalance of direction of love, and often it will take one to let go of their previous beliefs about what love is, which can be challenging.
The spiritual lesson of losing arguments
Inevitably, we will all argue with someone about something we do not agree with.
In such a situation, there can be a desire to win, to not lose the argument.
Realize that having a better idea than someone and having the ability to win arguments are two very different things.
For instance, some people are just good at winning arguments even though they have bad ideas. Some people may be good at winning arguments by winning others over to side against you. So even though you may have the most perfect idea in the world, not everyone will agree with you. Thus the battle of arguments that you face in life thus will usually be battles of confidence, charm and wit rather than on what is right or wrong.
So if you find yourself unable to let go of the desire to win arguments with someone, realize that to truly win, you have to learn how to support yourself, to accept yourself, to accept others. Because without self-support, self-confidence, self-belief, you will have already lost before you have spoken.
So when you feel like a loser after losing an argument, simply see that as an opportunity to develop these things. To love yourself as a loser, to accept yourself for having lost, to believe in yourself by not caring about how others think of you, to forgive others for winning against you, and so forth
So losing arguments can really work to your advantage if you learn to approach it from a Self-Transformative perspective.
Certainly at first, one can feel miserable when an argument is lost. One can feel even like a loser. These kind of experiences can make us feel small, vulnerable, unloved, like life is unfair.
The questions one can ask in these types of situations to further their Self-Transformation journey can be—
"Why can’t I just accept myself for losing?"
"Why do I perceive myself as a failure?"
"Why can I not just unconditionally love myself?”
Asking these questions will help one to develop greater Self-Knowing and Self-Acceptance, to help us realize that the negativities that we are experiencing inside is not really judgement or anger towards Other Selves, but moreso towards ourselves.
And as we realize this truth with deeper clarity, we will be able to address the cause of the unhappiness at the root—the lack of Self-Acceptance.
Remember, to the deeper mind there is only One Self.
So developing Self-Acceptance is the key to Self-Transformation.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Whenever you experience moments when you encounter the confusion of whether or not you want to express your opinions, you can simply ask the following questions—
“What is stopping me from expressing my opinions honestly?”
“What are the fears and negativities behind the experience?”
And then simply focus on working on finding the answers to these questions rather than dwelling on whether or not to express yourself.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
When you meditate and find yourself dwelling in the thoughts of disagreeing with someone, simply observe the moment with a Calm Mind with the intention to not exaggerate it/ to blow it up/ to diminish it.
Simply let these thoughts go by accepting the person whom you are thinking about for who they are.
Use this as an opportunity to develop the wisdom that it is ok for everyone to have opinions even though they may not resonate with yours.
Know and Transform The Self!
Try the 10 Day One-Self Catalyst to uncover your deepest Negative Ideas / States of Self-Rejection. In this course you will realize that you cannot agree with a part of others because you cannot agree with that part of yourself. The One Self Catalyst will help you to see the wisdom through such experiences so that you can experience greater happiness in life.