"Practice forgiveness until it is no longer required."
Has anyone ever made you angry before?
It definitely wouldn't have been a pleasant experience!
Forgiveness is about learning to accept someone even if they have said or done something to make you angry.
But how can we forgive someone when all we want to do is to avoid them, hate them or punish them?
And also, why should we?
In this article, we will look at the deeper reasons for practising forgiveness and the ways to do so.
Forgiveness In Depth
It is inevitable that we will all meet that "special" someone who will always have their ways of pushing our buttons, making us angry with their words, actions, or even just their presence alone. What talent!
There are so many different people in life, so as a result, we are bound to meet personalities that can clash with ours: Their beliefs of what is right and wrong may be drastically different from ours. They may have ways of doing things that we don't agree with. They may even dress in ways that bring discomfort to our eyes!
How do we accept these "special" people?"
How to accept a person that we cannot accept?
How do we send love to something we hate?
The more one tries to forgive, the more one will stumble upon these questions. Thus to develop the ability to forgive can seem like training a superpower that is impossible to wield. And as one tries to forgive, the mind will always appear to be there to block one's path, giving countless reasons for one to not forgive and presenting various ways to execute the other person instead!
The journey of developing the ability to forgive will thus be an enlightening one—Because one will become aware of the battle between the Mind and Heart. As one tries to forgive from the heart, one will encounter inner resistances from the mind. Even if one manages to forgive the other person on the outside, the mind still may not be content with the result.
That is why it's important to develop the Knowing of the reasons and benefits for forgiveness. This will help one to forgive others more naturally, and also, see the ways to forgive others at the deepest level of the mind, which we will talk about in a minute.
Importance Of Using Forgiveness
Let us look at why forgiveness is important on the journey of Self-Transformation.
When we are in a state of anger or frustration towards someone, we are in a state of unhappiness. When we hate a person, we may hold that anger in, unwilling to let it go until we see them punished; however, in doing so, we are only punishing ourselves. So, the only solution to true happiness really is to accept the other person at the level of the mind, to forgive them unconditionally for who they are rather than simply looking for solutions to fix the situation on the outside.
When we choose not to forgive others, the anger within can do much damage to our mental and physical health. It can bring tensions to our body and breath and make our mind strained with wandering thoughts. Yes, keeping the anger alive can consume quite a lot of energy!
Holding in the hate and judgement towards other-selves will also block one from developing the Knowing Of The Self because we can end up spending too much time on analyzing the situation and strategizing ways to punish the other person and fail in addressing the deeper cause—which are the unresolved anger issues within, which we will look now.
Path Of Creator
Forgiveness In Relation To The Path Of Creator
To develop greater happiness, the Suffering States of the Mind will need to be explored and addressed.
So, when one finds an inability to forgive others, one can use the experience to explore one's suffering states of mind, to see the cause of their anger.
Thus, forgiveness can be used as a catalyst for Self-Knowing. By trying to forgive others, it will allow one to experience the inner-resistances of the mind so that one can realize the nature of the anger that is happening deep within. The more one can know about one's anger, the more one will realize: "Ah..it's me who is creating this suffering rather than the other person", which will help one to forgive the other person more naturally.
And on that journey as one explores the cause of one's anger, one will realize themes of control that is fueling it: One's angry because one cannot control the other person, for instance, change their opinions and ways of doing things to match oneself's.
It's important to realize too that the purpose of forgiveness, in addition to Self-Knowing, is for greater happiness. Because without being able to truly accept a person who has made us angry, we will forever be haunted by suffering whenever a similar person appears in our lives.
To forgive thus is to accept, and even deeper, to be happy, to be free from our miseries. Understanding this can help to motivate one to use the catalyst of forgiveness even more.
The key to transforming the mind is to develop Self-Acceptance. To accept others for who they are without expecting them to change.
That journey is an inward journey of transforming the mind. So, whatever one wishes to practice forgiveness at the physical level is up to one's choice. So, whether one wishes to punish the other person or to apologise to the other person is really up to one's choice. And one can always use physical actions to catalyze Self-Transformation at the mental level. For instance, arguing with the other person to bring out deeper pains so one can explore it deeper. Or forgiving the other person to bring out deeper inner-resistances to explore it deeper.
Forgiveness is a catalyst as long as one carries the intention to accept the other person unconditionally. Without such intentions, there will be no catalyst.
The journey will require one to develop Stillness. Because without Stillness, one will simply dwell in the painful and negative emotions that has been brought out by the Other Self. That is why the practice of meditation is encouraged as it can help one to develop Stillness, which will help one to gain insight into their unpleasant experiences.
To pull oneself back into the state of Stillness can be said to be the practice of Forgiveness at the Reactional Level of the mind. So, realize that the act of dwelling in negative emotions and thoughts is the practice of ...well holding the suffering states of the mind!
Learn to let go off on your sufferings!
So whenever one feels the need to be angry at someone, accept that the anger has come and quickly bring one back to Stillness. And the more one does this, the more one will develop insight into the nature of one's Sufferings. That is why it's encouraged for one to practice meditation every day, so one can use these "angry" moments as opportunities to transform their minds, to transform their old habit patterns of always reacting negatively and develop insight into their suffering experiences.
At The Idea Level
To forgive someone, one must learn to address their anger.
Otherwise, forgiveness will always be forced and be required of when a similar person comes to piss us off again.
Thus, to truly forgive someone is to reach a state of mind where one doesn't even have to forgive at all. And to do so will require one to look into the cause of their anger issues.
And with time, one will realize that the seed cause of their anger and desire to control others has to do with their beliefs—their beliefs of what is right and wrong, what is love and what is not love, what is the Perfect Self and what is not.
And the more one becomes aware of these beliefs, the more one will realize the need to let them go because maintaining one's attachment to them will only generate more suffering.
And to release one's attachment, one will need to develop the wisdom to shift their beliefs so they can naturally see that All Selves are Perfect.
So, let us look at a piece of information that can help guide one to develop such wisdom.
When we reject others, we are rejecting ourselves
When we cannot accept others, it's simply a reflection of what we cannot accept about ourselves.
For instance, when we reject someone who is selfish, it's simply a reflection of how we see ourselves when we are selfish like them.
Realize that the Deeper Mind doesn't differentiate between Selves. This is because the Deeper Mind knows that whatever you experience in the world, you are simply experiencing yourself. So all your experiences in life will reflect back to show you who you really are.
Thus the deeper journey of forgiving others is the journey of forgiving ourselves. The spiritual purpose of forgiving others, of accepting others unconditionally thus is to learn how to forgive and accept ourselves unconditionally.
Realize that the more one can accept the parts of oneself that one sees as imperfect, the less one will react negatively when others reflect that trait too.
Thus to forgive properly is to carry the intention to Accept others unconditionally and to accept oneself unconditionally.
And that "special" person that comes into your life will help you to see how much more you need to love yourself. Yes, they are truly special! Which is all the more reason to forgive them!
The destination of the journey is not so much in becoming a master at forgiveness like levelling up a skill through practice but to naturally reach a state of acceptance where there is no more need to forgive.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Whenever you experience anger towards someone, try to carry the intention to accept others for who they are and also direct that intention towards yourself as well.
This is how you bring out the catalyst potential of forgiveness.
And practice meditation, this will help to accelerate your journey!
Meditation will help you to look inwards for the deeper solutions rather than becoming locked up in the thoughts for surface solutions.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
No matter what form of suffering or negativity i.e. Anger, Frustration that one experiences in meditation, accept the experiences with open arms, and accept it as it goes away. Do this by simply constantly pulling oneself into the state of Stillness.
Using the practice of meditation, one will learn how to develop forgiveness at the deepest level of the mind, which is to Accept everything as is. And this can be done through accepting the Present Moment as is, accepting one's emotions as is, accepting one's thoughts as is, accepting one's physical sensations as is.
Know and Transform The Self!
It can be difficult to forgive someone when we see them as "Other-Selves"
The 10 Day One-Self Catalyst will help you to see that there really is just One Self. In this course you will learn how to naturally let go of judgement towards yourself and others in a powerful way to create greater happiness within.