Pain Of Rejection
"The pain of getting rejected is a Self-Inflicted pain."
Defining Pain Of Rejection
When others reject us, it can be a painful experience.
These kinds of experiences can take many forms, for instance, when someone makes fun of our looks, when someone disagrees with us, when someone does not reciprocate the love we give, and so forth.
This article will look at the cause and the ways to transform the suffering states of the mind that one can experience in such experiences.
Pain Of Rejection In Depth
Why does our heart ache when others reject us?
One may think that the answer to the question is too obvious to be asked as being rejected is not supposed to be a happy experience!
But it's only when one pursues even deeper answers, one will discover that the cause of one's pains will always come back to one's beliefs about oneself and the world.
Realize that the experience of rejection only happens when one "believes" that one has been rejected.
The quality of an experience, including one's emotional responses to it, will always depend on how one perceives the experience, which will always be influenced by one's beliefs.
So, the suffering states of the mind that one experiences in moments of "rejection" will always be caused by one's own belief patterns.
That is why everyone will react to the same experience differently.
For instance, some guys can confidently approach a girl and ask their her number, not affected by the experience if one gets rejected whilst some may react in embarrassment and would never dare to make such ventures.
For instance, some people can take offence to a joke aimed at them whilst someone else would be able to enjoy it and laugh it off.
For instance, some people may think it's loving to be honest and disagree with others. And there will be those who would think it's more loving to be more agreeable try not to disagree with anyone.
So, the key to transforming the pain of rejection is to look inwards for the beliefs that one is currently carrying that is creating such a painful reality.
You will always be the Creator of your reality.
But why does it look so real that others have rejected us?
It's because of the beliefs we carry, i.e. our fears, our beliefs of what is bad and what is good, our beliefs of what is the worst that could happen in our life, our beliefs of what is acceptable and not.
So, some good questions to ask to discover these negative beliefs can be—
"What beliefs do I hold that is making me experience such pain?"
"Why can't I just simply accept that I have been rejected?"
"What can I not accept about life?"
"What do I reject in life?"
Importance Of Addressing Pain Of Rejection
To address the pain of rejection, we need to first have the desire to address it.
So, let us look at the ways to naturally develop the desire by understanding how these inner pains can impact our lives in a negative way.
Here, we will also clear some blockages and confusions that may arise on the journey of transforming one's mind.
Being rejected by others is certainly a painful and suffering experience. It can make one feel vulnerable, weak and unloved.
When we fall into this state of mind, we can fall into the illusion that this is the only true reality, that we are worthless, that no one loves us.
In extreme cases where one feels unloved all the time, one can also experience constant loneliness, sadness and a lack of motivation to live life to the fullest.
So, it's important to transform this state of mind if one wishes to live their life to the fullest. Wallowing in the belief that one is not loved will only make one even more depressed like a flat tyre.
The experience of being rejected can be painful. If that pain is not addressed, then one can end up fearing that pain. As a result, one can develop a habit of avoiding life experiences where rejection could happen. For instance, asking others for support, asking someone out, applying for a better job, expressing one's true opinions, and so forth.
Thus, one's life experiences can become limited to what is considered safe and comfortable. Though there is nothing wrong with making such choices in living one's life in this way, without addressing one's inner pains, one will never be able to fulfil their deepest desires; the level of their happiness will never have a chance to rise.
It's only when the fears of rejection are released that one can truly Know one's true desires and be comfortable with who they are.
Being rejected by others can also bring out issues of anger within especially if one has issues to do with control, i.e. a need to control everything all the time.
Such Selves can often feel the need to control others out of the deeper desire to reduce the pain that one is experiencing.
When one is constantly controlling others to reduce one's unhappiness, one will fall into the belief that the cause of one's pain comes from others, and as a result, one can begin to experience judgement and anger towards Other Selves.
From this perspective, the Pain of Rejection can be seen as caused by the expectations one has on oneself and others.
For instance, the more one needs a particular outcome to manifest, the more pain one will experience when it doesn't.
Conversely, if there's no desire for a particular outcome to manifest then the pain will not be experienced.
And what is the cause of expectations?
Again, it has to do with one's own beliefs system, specifically one's beliefs about what love should be.
Path Of Creator
Pain Of Rejection In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey will begin with Self-Knowing—to become aware that the cause of the pain of rejection comes from within rather than outside.
It can be difficult to develop this awareness because the mind can be a master at convincing one that one's emotional responses are caused by the experiences that are happening on the outside.
That is why the practice of meditation can be so helpful on one's journey. Because as one sits still and meditates, one will be able to experience oneself directly—the pains, the pleasures, the tumultuous emotions, the moments of stillness. It's only when one meditates, one will begin to realize the true home of one's thoughts and emotions resides inside rather than outside.
With time, one will gradually realize that when one experiences life, one is simply experiencing the quality of one's own mind.
Developing this awareness will help one to see much clearer that the greater work then is to transform one's mind, helping one to release their attachment to controlling others.
With each step forward on the journey, one will become more and more aware of the origins of one's pain. The more one observes and studies the origins of this pain, one will realize that the pain of being rejected by others is actually no different than the pain experienced when one rejects others.
With time, one will begin to realize that the Mind does not differentiate different Selves. To the Deeper Mind, All is The Self.
You are all there is, and all is you.
The deeper one goes on the journey, the more spiritual and enlightening it will become. Ultimately, one will begin to realize that the pain of being rejected by others is there because it was us who have been rejecting ourselves. The pain of being rejected by others was there because we have not been loving ourselves enough. If we had, then why would it matter if others didn't?
Thus, Self-Acceptance—in the forms of Self-Love , Self-Support, Self-Forgiveness / Compassion—will be the key to transforming the deep pains of rejection within.
There are many catalysts one can use to accelerate one's journey.
For instance, learning to accept oneself when one becomes aware that one is judging oneself.
For instance, learning to accept others, even when they are rejecting us.
Accepting others can help one to accept oneself because the more one can develop unconditional for other-selves and allow others to be who they, even if they do not support or agree with us, one will naturally see that it is ok for one to do so as well.
So, on the journey of Self-Transformation, realize that every moment is an opportunity to enjoy, to be happy, to develop even greater love.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Whenever you find yourself judging yourself, learn to love yourself instead.
With time, you will see that the more you can support yourself, the less pain you will experience when others reject you.
To learn how to accept yourself, you can try the 10 Day One-Self course below.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
Use the Creator's Meditation to develop honesty.
Honesty will help you to love yourself for who you really are.
So, as you become aware of the different sensations experienced throughout the meditation, use it as an opportunity to simply accept them for being there, allowing all the pains to grow as they wish and allowing all the pains to leave when they wish.
This is how you can develop Self-Acceptance at the reactional level of the mind.
Know and Transform The Self!
Try the 10 Day One-Self Catalyst to uncover your deepest Negative Ideas / States of Self-Rejection. In this course you will learn how to naturally let go of judgement towards yourself and others in a powerful way to create greater happiness within.