"It does not matter whether someone loves you or not. What matters is whether or not you love yourself"
Defining Unrequited Love
What is Unrequited Love?
When someone does not love us back in the same way as we love them this is pretty much what unrequited Love is. Such an experience can be very painful and that pain can increase the more we love that person.
This article will explore the cause for the experience of unrequited love and the ways to transform this experience around to discover the deeper spiritual lessons behind such experiences.
Unrequited Love In Depth
We will first explore Unrequited Love As A Suffering Experience
Realize that Unrequited Love in itself is neither good nor bad. For instance, there are some of us who can give love and not experience any negative reactions when the love is not reciprocated. For instance, when we help out a stranger, friends or loved ones and so forth.
On the other hand, there are some of us who will experience Suffering / Negativity when the love we give out is not reciprocated in the same way.
This article will explore and shine light on the latter which is the dark side of Unrequited Love so that we can understand what exactly makes Unrequited Love a “Suffering” Experience.”
To begin, we can first understand that the difference between someone who is suffering and someone who is not suffering in experiences when love is not reciprocated is in the way they perceive the experience.
In terms of Unrequited Love, the experience will become a negative experience when we have a deep attachment to the expectations of what we should receive when we give out Love. I.e. "Expecting approval / praise / gratitude / sexual expectations / financial expectations and so forth."
And when we do not get what we “Expect” then we can experience a great deal of disappointment / anger / hurt and all sorts of Negativities.
The wisdom that most of us will develop to release the suffering states of mind to do with unrequited love are often experiences that make us see that everyone’s definition of “Love” are different – i.e. everyone will always give and reciprocate love in their own special way.
For instance, from the child’s perspective they may believe that their controlling parents do not love them because they do not give them enough freedom to be themselves, but from the parent's side they may think that they are loving their children by preventing them from doing the wrong things. Likewise such experience of “Unrequited Love” can be experienced in life when we do not get the “Love” that we “Expect.” As a result we can fall into the belief that no one loves us.
So it is through the accumulating of wisdom through experiences that can take us to eventually realize that everyone's idea of love is different. And it is only through the Acceptance of that fact, rather than dwelling in Frustration / Anger / Rejection of that Fact etc. that we can gradually release ourselves from the Dark Side of Unrequited Love.
And through the journey, as we allow others to love us in their special way we will also learn to love others in our special way without any expectations of the outcome.
The antidote to unrequited love in this respect is to develop the Wisdom of Unconditional Love - to love without expectations.
Path Of Creator
Unrequited Love In Relation To The Path Of Creator
Unrequited Love As A Choice
Here we will look at the possible causes as to why one can end repeatedly end up in one sided relationships.
We all choose Paths in life which best reflects ourselves. So the question here is "Why are we always choosing roads which will take us towards Unrequited Love?"
To begin we first understand that there is no such thing as "bad luck" when we choose the person who we wish to be with in a relationship.
Realize that who we find attractive and who we choose to be in a relationship will always be driven by our deeper desires. Mos of us usually only know of our desires at the surface level, i.e. our preferences for a certain look, our preferences for a certain personality or energetic makeup.
But as we look deeper into ourselves we will find the Deeper Causes as to why we are attracted to these certain “traits” when looking for a partner. I.e. why we are always falling for someone who behaves and looks in a certain way who do not love us etc.
It is by exploring this area of the Mind that will allow us to realize the deeper answers as to why we are always attracted to people which will bring us Suffering.
The Relationship Between Desires and Ideas
Realize that for a desire to exist, an Idea must be firstly created.
I.e. “If I have an expensive Car I will be Happy” And as a result this will drive one to look for cars that are portray the Ideas of “An Expensive Car.”
Thus if you find yourself always in relationships with Unrequited Love as the outcome, realize that at the Deeper Level of the Mind you are in fact desiring Unrequited Love to be the outcome of your relationships. As strange as it may sound, it is because of your deeper desire for suffering that you are constantly attracted and choosing relationships which will guarantee you a great deal of Suffering. And as one penetrates deeper into the consciousness one will realize that these negative desires are often driven by some sort of Fear/Negativities.
For instance, when the Self fears commitment / rejection then it will be attracted towards relationships that will not be long-lasting, i.e. a relationship with someone who already has a partner.
For instance, when the Self does not believe that it deserves to be loved, then it will choose partners which will guarantee such outcome.
For instance, when the Self is driven by a deeper desire to Love others more than themselves then they will choose partners who may require more attention than normal i.e. people with mental disabilities, or partners who care more about money/alcohol/drugs and so forth.
And when these Negative Desires are deeply rooted in the consciousness then one will find it hard to oneself out of the gravitational pull of their deeper desires for Suffering even though they may be well aware that such relationships would end in disaster.
Our Fears and Negativities thus can create an unconscious desire for suffering relationships. As all Fears and Negativities are created from ideas which promote the Rejection Of The Self, the Spiritual Lessons that one will have to go through to resolve the issues of Unrequited Love is Self-Acceptance.
Thus by simply working on developing Self-Acceptance then one can simply release themselves out of the bondages towards Unrequited Love.
When we lack Self-Acceptance / Self-Love we will find it hard to leave a Suffering Relationship even though we Know it’s not good for us. In fact we can experience a “Desire” to dwell in such Negative Experiences and sadly enjoy the moments of Sufferings with the subconscious belief that we deserve every moment of it.
When we have a lack of Self-Acceptance we can also carry Ideas such as believing that we are not worthy of being loved or carry Ideas that one needs to suffer. In turn this can make one lack attraction towards relationships that can offer and promise a life of Happiness and Tranquility.
The journey of Self-Acceptance will take us to develop the Wisdom that we will always be treated by people in the same way that we believe that we should be treated. Thus if we believe that we should be treated poorly then what we ask we shall receive.
Spiritual Lesson Of Unrequited Love
Often the process of releasing oneself out of Unrequited Love is accelerated when one can overcome the temptation of going towards relationship s when one knows that it will be a suffering one. An example of relationships that may create suffering are relationships with someone who is already married or have a partner or falling in love with someone who you have not even seen or interacted i.e. your imagination, or falling in love with people you just met on the internet, or long-distant relationships that is surrounded by doubts, relationships with people who have drug problems, alcoholic addictions, relationships with no future etc.
Often it can be challenging to turn away from our sufferings when it is disguised as someone attractive to our eyes or imagination and it will take one to experience many suffering relationships to release one’s attachment to such relationships.
The experiences of Unrequited love thus can be seen as lessons bestowed upon us by Universe to push us until we make the choice of loving ourselves. Thus the lessons for unrequited love are usually given to the individualised souls who carry a lack of love towards oneself. The Soul Journey here is about accumulating wisdom so the knowing of love can be refined which will help balance the direction of Love.
From the Universal perspective, the Universe will always give us what we ask for. Thus the lesson will only reach completion once one can truly prove to the Universe that it does not desire unrequited love, and such intention is declared by The Self each time one turns away from unfruitful relationships.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Examples of what you can do to gain Insight.
1. Realize that each time you fantasize about being in a relationship with someone you see on the streets you are desiring unrequited love.
2. Realize that each time you crave for people who are already in a relationship you are declaring to the Universe that you desire unrequited love.
3. Realize that each time you fantasize about falling in love with people you do not quite know, i.e. strangers then you are declaring that you desire unrequited love.
4. Realize that everytime you feel guilty about receiving love you are declaring in your mind that you do not deserve love.
“Do you love her/him or do you love your imagination of her/him?”
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
Whenever you start to dwell in Suffering Moments in your meditation practices, do your best to overcome it as quickly as you can rather than to dwell in it and sink deeper and deeper.
Similarly, whenever you start to dwell in interacting with imaginary partners in your mind, realize that to love yourself is to not fall in love with your imagination but to stay with the reality of yourself in the present moment.
Know and Transform The Self!
We will always attract the type of relationships which will reflect our deepest beliefs. And some of us have deep beliefs about how we do not deserve love
Try the 10 Day One-Self Catalyst to uncover your deepest Negative Ideas / States of Self-Rejection. In this course you will learn how to accept and love yourself unconditionally.