"Company for your journey"
Friends are great to have bcause instead of exploring the journey of life alone, one can do it with others too!
In this article, we will explore this type of relationship and how friends can support or impede one's life journey.
Friendship In Depth
Let us explore what friendships really are so that one can know what kinds of friendships can benefit one's life.
Friendship, like all sorts of relationships in life, is based on the ideas of what roles one should play when they have a connection with someone else.
And everyone will have different ideas on what roles a "friend" should play. For instance, some may believe that people who are their friends should always support them even if they are wrong. Some may believe that friends should always be there when they need help. Some may believe that friends should always buy each other things, talk to each other every day, go out and do stuff together. Some may see friends as finding a business partner to pursue their dreams with, or someone to walk their spiritual journey together.
It's quite natural for everyone to have their own definition of friendship because everyone will have different needs and desires, i.e. what makes them happy and content.
And because everyone has unique personalities, it won't be uncommon for one's ideas of friendship to clash with the other. Usually, when there is such a personality clash, friendships won't happen.
Thus, it is important for one to take some time to question oneself and ponder upon the thought:
"What do I really need in life?"
Without such questioning, one would not know what one needs. As a result, one can simply end up in friendships that don't serve them well. Without realizing that the ideas of friendships can differ from one mind to another, one can feel guilty whenever one cannot meet their friends' expectations as if they've broken some kind of absolute rule. That is why it is important to really know oneself to know what one needs.
So if you are always feeling sad and frustrated that you cannot live up to your friend's expectations or that your friends cannot live up to yours, realize that perhaps you are in a suffering relationship.
But is this kind of friendship good or bad?
Again, it really depends on what one desires.
So at the end of the day, it's important to develop Self-Knowing so that one can know what one truly wants and needs.
There are so many ships out at sea, why get into one that is not going in your desired destination?
Importance Of Addressing Friendship
It is important to address any confusions about what one needs in life because without clarity, one can end up in abusive and suffering friendships
It's important also to address the suffering states of mind. Because our fears and negativities can often drive us to make unclear decisions in life. It's much like choosing a relationship out of fear or lonliness, which most of the time won't end well.
And when we choose friends out of judgement, we can end up avoiding friendships with people who may otherwise help us to grow.
So it is important to address our negativities so that we can make choices not out of unhappiness but out of wisdom.
Do you only surround yourself with particular types of people?
To create greater happiness in life, one must address their suffering state of mind. If one desires to embark on such a journey, one can use relationships as opportunities for one to know oneself more and to transform their mind. Different kinds of friendships can help with transforming different forms of sufferings.
To know what kinds of friendships one need, one can ask the following question:
"In my current situation, in my goals in life, in my style of living, what kind of people would be able to support me to achieve my goals?"
Maybe one wants to learn more about business. Then one can make friends with business people. Maybe one wants to be more sociable, then one can make friends with sociable people. Maybe one wishes to explore their anger, then one can make friends with people that can push their buttons.
So, at the end of the day, it really depends on one's goals. And to know one's goals is to question what one needs. It is then, one can find friendships that can benefit one's journey.
Path Of Creator
Friendship In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey towards Greater Happiness is about developing the Knowing of The Self, to know your fears, to know your desires.
It's also about learning to be ourselves rather than be The Self that we are expected to be.
So, if one wants to be truly happy, then the deeper journey of life is to address the suffering states of mind; these are the states that limit one's potential to be.
Thus the journey is not so much about finding or being the "Perfect Friend." But rather a journey of learning to see that everyone in this world is already perfect, even yourself.
Life is a journey of finding ourselves, and learning to love what we've found.
It can be easy to lose ourselves in this world that is full of expectations, feeling pressures from all directions coaxing us to fit into roles that are unnatural for our design. Everyone's just different, unique in their colours, shape and mind. And the more we carry fears—fears of getting rejected by others, or fear of hurting others—the more we can end up acting in roles to please others and losing ourselves in the process.
That is why it's important to focus on the seed cause as to why one can end up in suffering relationships. As all begins in the mind, one must explore the cause of suffering inside themselves. To address their fears and negativities. Because without fears, impatience, judgement, guilt, anger, and so forth, naturally one will be able to make wiser choices.
And friendships like relationships will all change with time. People will come and leave. Sometimes friendships last long because no one changes. But on the journey of Self-Transformation, one will experience periods of inner changes when one will require a different kind of friendship to their past ones. This does not mean to abandon old ones, but rather, to form new ones. Sometimes, one may even need periods where they can be alone in their journey of Self-Discovery.
And naturally, as you change, the people around you will notice. And it will be natural for some of them to leave you once you are no longer useful to them, especially if it has always been a one-sided relationship.
For some, choosing friendships that can benefit oneself can appear selfish. But this is what everyone does. People will always choose relationships based on what they desire and their fears. Much like a marriage, no one marries without a reason, unless they are forced to by their family or tradition, but even then, these still are reasons right? So, everyone will have their own agendas whether they are consciously aware or not.
So, there's no need to let your beliefs about how you are being selfish in choosing what you desire blind you from making wiser decisions in life. It's okay to pursue friendships that can support you in your desires. And what you find is that when you choose friendships that reflect what you truly desire, it means that you will be able to support your friends as well because everyone will all share some common goals.
And in terms of the journey of Self-Transformation, again, the focus will be on addressing the Suffering States of Mind.
The following questions can help one on this deeper journey:
"Why can't I be friends with that person?"
"What can I not accept about that person?"
"Why does that person anger me so much?"
On the journey of Self-Transformation, one can use suffering relationships to explore their suffering states of mind more, that is if one is willing. But to do so will require the practice of meditation otherwise one will learn nothing with an Unstill Mind.
So it's often easier to surround one with supportive friends so that they can develop inner strength first. Then later on, move to more challenging friendships to catalyze deeper Self-Knowing.
The destination of the journey of Self-Transformation is towards liberating oneself from the suffering states of mind. The journey will require one to develop Self-Knowing so that one can be aware of what kinds of friendships one needs in life, and this can change with time as one transforms their mind.
And oce the suffering state of mind is released, one will be able to realize that everyone is perfect in their own way. In such a state of mind, the idea of being friends with everyone becomes possible.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
You can try to make more friends. You can do this by simply trying to interact with people more. If you don't know what kinds of friends you need, then you can simply make friends and learn from the results of your choices.
Sometimes we won't really know what we need until we get it.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
When we reject or crave for certain physical sensations that we experience in meditation, we are creating a relationship with them through our reactions i.e. “this physical sensation is good, this physical sensation is bad” and to the deeper mind this is no different than saying “this friend is good and this friend is bad.”
Simply observe and accept the different sensations you experience in meditation as they are will help you to view and accept people in the same way.
Know and Transform The Self!
Use the 10 Day One-Self Catalyst to learn how to uncover your deepest Negative Ideas / States of Self-Rejection through being around people! In this course you will learn how to naturally let go of judgement towards yourself and others in a powerful way to create greater happiness within.