"Through relationships we can see ourselves"
The definition of what friendship is will be different for each individual mind.
A friendship is when one forms a close relationship with someone. For some, friendship may mean to have supportive friends, for others it may mean being around people that you trust, or it may mean being around people who will do your work for you or it can mean being around like-minded people with similar goals and so forth.
Friendship In Depth
Friendship, like all sort of relationships in life is just an Idea of the role one should play when one is engaged in a relationship with someone, i.e. ideas about how to be a “Friend” and how a “Friend” should treat us.
We will all have different Ideas about what a “Friend” should be because we all have different ideas of what is right and what is wrong, what is love and what is not. And as a result when our friends do not live up to our expectations of what we believe a friend should be then we can feel a sense of disappointment and betrayal. And likewise, when we do not live up to expectations of other people then we can feel that we have disappointed and betrayed the Other Self.
Realize that when we become attached to the Ideas of how one should then it will eventually lead to the Suffering states of the mind. This article will look at this particular Suffering State of Mind and the ways in which we can address it.
Importance Of Addressing Friendship
It is important to address any issues and confusion one has about the Ideas of what a friendship is because without clarity one can choose friends which may not be beneficial to one’s life.
Realize that when we choose friends out of loneliness we can end up choosing the wrong people to be in our life. When we choose friends out of judgement we can end up distancing ourselves away from people who may otherwise be beneficial and supportive to our growth. Thus it is important to address our negativities so that we can choose our friends not out of Suffering but out of Wisdom. Because often our fears of lonliness can drive us to choose the wrong people to be in our lives - and this can include people who like to abuse and take advantage of weaker selves.
Do you only surround yourself with particular types of people?
To create greater happiness in life, it is important to address our Suffering States of Mind and develop the Wisdom of knowing what people we truly need in our life because when we choose the wrong people in our life it can create stagnation in growth. For instance if a businessman chose a monk to manage his business then the business will unlikely to profit. Here it is not to say that the monk is bad or the businessman is bad, but rather the example is to show the importance of knowing what type of relationship one truly needs.
I.e. one can ask oneself the following question, "In my current situation, in my goals in life, in my style of living, what kind of people would be able to support me in my goals?"
Having the “right” people around you can also affect you greatly in your path towards success. For instance, when we are constantly surrounded by people who doubt us, it can be easy to believe that the rest of the people in the world would do the same.
Thus by choosing the right people we can slowly gain our trust / self-confidence, and allow the inner traumas to slowly heal.
And then once we become more supporting of ourselves then the people who doubt us will no longer have any affect on us anymore. So by working through our negativities, our heart will become more open to all types of friendships.
Path Of Creator
Friendship In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The Path towards Greater Happiness is about developing the Knowing of The Self.
The Life journey is about learning to be yourself, rather than being who you “should be.”
The focus thus is not about Finding or Being the “Perfect Friend” rather it is about realizing that you are already perfect and learning how to simply be yourself.
It can be easy to lose ourselves when we try to fit in the roles other people expect us to be for instance to do certain things / be a certain way just to prove to each other that we are friends. We may do this out of the fear of hurting someone or the fear of being rejected by other people.
The Deeper Cause for the confusion about Friendships will always recede back to our Sufferings i.e. our Fears. Thus naturally as we transform and release our Sufferings, clarity will come to dispel the fears and confusion.
It is then one will be able to gradually redefine their definition of friendship. Here, instead of focusing on what a “Friend should be” one will gradually move towards focusing on what type of people one simply needs in one's life.
Now, we may have no friends or a lack of friends because of the environment that we are in. The solution to this is simply to move to an environment where you can make new friends.
If the Cause comes from our Judgement towards other people then this can be addressed in many ways. For instance, when we find ourselves having a Negative experience from judging others for not having the same interest as us we can simply just realize the following wisdom - that if we look hard enough we can always find differences with people, so realize too that if we look hard enough we will also be able to find similarities as well. Simply speaking, we can always find a common ground with people if just look at it hard enough.
Generally speaking, as one simply Transforms and Releases their Sufferings then one’s negative judgement towards Other Selves will slowly dissolve. It is then one can begin to see the positive sides of everyone, it is then one can see more opportunities to have friendship with others. It is hard to be motivated to make friends with someone when we carry a great deal of Negativities within the consciousness thus simply by addressing our Sufferings this will be naturally resolved.
The destination is towards the state of accepting all there is - To accept ourselves for who we are, and to accept all others for who they are. In this state of mind, one will be comfortable with simply being who they are, and also comfortable with being around all sorts of people. To help one to reach this destination, we can create relationships with people who can help to support us to love ourselves more. And also even deeper, to be around people who can bring out the suffering states of mind within us so that we can explore the inner darkness even more. The latter can be more difficult to do but through being around people we don't like, it can help us to see what we don't like about ourselves, and to create a relationship with them does not necessarily mean to become their best friends, but rather, instead of pushing them away, have the mentality to learn from them.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Simply begin to make choices on who to surround oneself with rather than letting fate decide for you. This does not mean to reject everyone you do not choose, but rather to also to take action in choosing your friends.
And then from the experience see if that person is beneficial to your happiness. Thus this will involve one to make a lot of choices – wrong ones and right ones – which is all part of the process to develop the Knowing of what one really needs.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
When we reject or crave for certain physical sensations that we experience in meditation we are in fact creating some sort of relationships with them i.e. “this physical sensation is good, this physical sensation is bad” and to the deeper mind this is no different than saying “this friend is good and this friend is bad.”
Simply observe and accept the sensations as is will help you to view and accept people in the same way.
Know and Transform The Self!
Use the 10 Day One-Self Catalyst to learn how to uncover your deepest Negative Ideas / States of Self-Rejection through being around people! In this course you will learn how to naturally let go of judgement towards yourself and others in a powerful way to create greater happiness within.