"Learn how to make decisions by making them!"
Indecisiveness is a state of mind where one is in the confusion as to how to make a choice.
Have you ever experienced a situation where you need to make a choice but you just can't?
This state of mind can be experienced in many kinds of situations, for instance, when there are too many options to choose from, when we are unfamiliar with the topic that we are making the choices about, when the choices we make concern matters of great importance, and so forth.
Do you have a friend that is always taking so long to decide what to get on the menu every time you guys go out for lunch?
Or maybe that's you!
Realize that some people will be more decisive than others, able to make decisions without needing to even spend a second thinking about it whilst there will be others that can take forever to order their lunch.
In this article, we will explore the causes of an indecisive mind, ways to develop a more decisive mind, and why it;s important to be more decisive in life.
Indecisiveness In Depth
Why are we indecisive?
There can be many causes.
For instance, it can be caused by the lack of opportunities we had in our childhood to freely express our feelings and thoughts. Perhaps we had parents who liked to punish us whenever we did something wrong, which made us fear making the wrong decisions.
Or perhaps, we were brought up surrounded by people who doubted us.
Or our indecisiveness is there because we have always lived dependent on others to make the choices for us.
These are just a few possibilities as to the origins of one's indecisiveness. One can always look back into the earlier parts of their lives to learn more about the causes of their indecisive nature.
However, realize that our childhood experiences will always bring out into light the tendencies that were already there in the mind before birth. We are all born with unique minds with set biases and tendencies. So, although tracking the experiences that have brought out these tendencies can be helpful, at the end of the day, the greater work needs to be done in the Present Moment if one wishes to transform their mind.
So, it's now or never to start working on being more decisive if you have an indecisive nature. And this can begin by learning to make more choices in life regardless of whether they are small or big choices. The indecisive mind is there because one has not made enough decisions in life. The more decisions one can make in life, the more one will be able to make quicker decisions next time. So, instead of giving your choices away to others to make all the time, you can learn to make more of your own choices.
And you can start this journey by assessing the way you live your life to see how much of it was the result of the choice made by others, and how much of it has not yet been decided, and then spend time and effort to make your own choices.
For instance, you can start making more choices in what religion you want to follow, or whether you want to follow one at all. You can start to make decisions in regards to your diet. Are you eating what you want to eat or are you eating because that's what has been given to you? You can start to make more choices in your fashion style, in the way you live your life, in the way your room is decorated, in the subjects that you want to study in University, in the career path that you want to take, in the things that you have never considered even making choices on, and the list goes on.
Realize that every day, there exists countless opportunities for you to exercise your power to make choices. And the more you learn to exercise this power, the more skilled you will become at making decisions in life. And part of the journey—actually a large part of the journey—will involve you making the wrong choices.
And when you make wrong choices, learn to forgive yourself; mistakes are bound to happen. Realize that when you have never made efforts to make decisions before, there will be a 99% chance that you will make silly choices when you begin out. But the more choices you make, the more you will learn from your mistakes, making you more and more decisive each time.
But why would we want to put so much work on learning to be more decisive?
Let us explore the reasons!
Importance Of Addressing Indecisiveness
Let us look at some of the reasons for addressing the state of indecisiveness.
Some of us probably won't think that indecisiveness is even an issue serious enough to be considered a problem.
However, if one wishes for greater happiness, then exploring the cause of one's indecisiveness can be enlightening: one will learn more about themselves and their suffering states of mind, helping them to realize the deeper causes of their indecisiveness, for instance, the fears that are preventing them from being decisive.
Realize that our indecisiveness can be caused by the fears we have, for instance, fears of making mistakes, of appearing imperfect to others, of being judged by others, and so forth. The more fears one has, the more hesitant one will be in making choices because one may fear in bringing out an undesired outcome.
So in addressing indecisiveness, it can take one to address their unaddressed fears.
Being more decisive in life can help one to transform their fears alongside many other benefits.
By being more decisive in life, one will be able to learn the ways of steering their life in the direction they want. This is a faster way of reaching our desired destination than waiting for others to help us make the right decisions or for the wind of fortune to come and carry us.
Realize that when we rely on others or luck, we can end up with the wrong friends, jobs, ending up in the wrong environment.
When we don't allow ourselves to be decisive, we can also miss the opportunities to make mistakes. Realize that making mistakes can bring one valuable experiences that can help them to develop greater wisdom and self-confidence. Realize that if you go through life avoiding these kinds of "imperfect" experiences, you will lose these great opportunities to grow, and your fears of them happening will always be there to haunt you.
When we are not capable of making decisive decisions, it can also inspire others to doubt us. The cause for indecisiveness can often be the lack of Self-Knowing and Self-Trust. No one would want to trust someone that does not trust themselves.
Indecisiveness can also affect intimate relationships because it can make one person over-reliant on the other to make choices. When one person always making decisions in a relationship, there will be little opportunities for learning to take place: learning about compromises, about seeing things from another person's perspective, about redefining their knowing of love, and so forth.
Path Of Creator
Indecisiveness In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey of addressing one's indecisiveness is a journey of learning about the causes of one's indecisiveness.
The causes can be many. For instance, it can be caused by one's belief that indecisive can make them more likable to others, or a belief that letting others make the choices is a loving thing to do.
The more causes one discovers, the more one will be able to address one's state of indecisiveness.
However, it will usually come down to two main causes—The excess of fears and lack of Self-Knowing.
Thus, by working on one's fears, one will naturally be less hesitant in making choices. See Catalyst—Fear and for more detail.
One can address the lack of Self-Knowing by spending more time with oneself to know the world within. The practice of meditation will accelerate the Self-Knowing. Through the practice, one will be able to heighten their awareness so that they can detect the subtle thoughts and emotions that can arise throughout one's day. This will help one to connect deeper with themselves, helping them to know clearer what choices to make and what not to make.
However, to develop the Knowing of what one truly wants in life will often require one to develop the Knowing of what one truly does not want.
Thus, it can take many wrong decisions for one to develop the Self-Knowing.
That is why the experience of making mistakes can be enlightening, for it will show to The Self what it doesn't want. Thus, the more one can work on one's fears, the more one will be more willing to make mistakes, and the more one will Know themselves. Again, the practice of meditation will help one to develop a Still Mind so they are not too overwhelemed by the fears of making wrong decisions.
And how to work on one's fears of making mistakes?
One can explore the Catalyst—Mistakes for more detail
A way to transform the habit patterns of being indecisive all the time is to try practising being decisive even when one is indecisive. This can be done in many ways. But one way that it can be done is that when you are faced with a decision to make and you're not sure how to make the "right" decision, just make a decision that you feel is right at that point in time. And once you make it, commit to it rather than dwell in the fear that you may have made the wrong choice. If it's a bad choice, then learn to forgive yourself.
Worst comes to worst, you can always rectify your decision by making another decision. But this will minimize the transformative effect of the practice. So, if sticking to the decision you have made won't affect your life in a dramatic way, just try your best to stick with it, learning to accept the choice that you've made. Doing so will transform your habit of always dwelling in your fears when you make decisions so that next time you will be able to make better decisions without the fears overwhleming you in the background.
As you practice being decisive every day, you will gradually be able to make decisions quicker and quicker. And if you need motivation to help you be more decisive, you can observe the people around you who are always decisive, for instance, your parents, your siblings, your boss, your work colleagues.
See how they are so decisive with their decisions and see how easily they can forgive themselves when they make the wrong decisions. You'll be surprised how many wrong decisions managers and lawyers can make in a day!
Thus ultimately on the journey, one will realize the importance of developing Self-Acceptance to address their indecisive mind. One will realize that the more one can accept oneself for making the wrong decisions, the more the issues of indecisiveness will resolve itself.
The destination is towards Knowing ourselves so that we can be decisive in all moments and not keep our friends waiting next time when we order a meal!
Know and Transform The Self!
Reading articles helps with understanding, but to transform the mind, one realizes the truth from experience.
For such an enlightening journey, the Self-Transformation Course has everything you will ever need!