"The deepest conversations often involve some kind of disagreement"
In this article, we will explore the suffering states of mind one can experience when meeting another self with a different point of view.
Disagreement In Depth
When you think about it, disagreement is actually something that happens all the time. For instance, people will always have their own opinions on what type of foods they like, who they find attractive, what acts they find moral and not, what their dream jobs are, and so forth. Everyone just have their own unique way of thinking. A mother can be telling their children off for doing something wrong. The child can be rebelling against its parent’s ideals. The boss can be criticizing the employee’s way of doing things. Friends could be debating about the main messages of a movie. Citizens may be debating amongst themselves about who should be the next president.
So, disagreement is a form of communication that is bound to happen and is happening all the time, if not as an act, as a state of mind. Disagreement can be seen as a natural consequence resulting from people’s uniqueness and differences. No two people are alike. Thus, it’s only inevitable that one will meet another Self that thinks about the world in a different way.
Everyone will experience disagreements differently.
For instance, one can experience confusion when one encounters another person whose thought process one cannot understand.
For instance, one can experience anger when one is being accused by the other person for doing something wrong.
For instance, one can experience fear in wondering whether one should disagree with another person.
Or, one can experience peace and calm in themselves as if nothing had happened when they are disagreeing with someone.
So, for some, disagreement can be a truly terrifying and painful experience, whilst others may not be so affected by the experience.
Thus, if one wishes for greater happiness, one can look into their suffering states of mind to discover the answers as to why they are there.
What makes an experience Suffering?
When one experiences the suffering states of the mind, one will often look outward for solutions. But any outward solution to an inner problem will always provide only a short-term means of alleviation if not to create another problem. For instance, one may decide to stop disagreeing with people to avoid the sensations of fear only to result in one sulking in the anger of repressed feelings. And if one sees self-expression as the solution to escape suffering, one may be driven to disagree all the time just to escape the pain of repressed feelings.
Thus, outward solutions can only do so much to cover up one’s suffering. That is why if one desires for greater happiness, one must look for the solution within themselves.
The Nature Of Suffering
How one will react to disagreements will always be determined by the way they are perceiving the experience as a whole—what the experience means to them—which will always originate from the beliefs that they are attached to.
Thus, if one wishes to be happier in life, the focus of the greater journey won’t be so much about debating on when to argue or how to argue to avoid suffering, but rather to know more about why one cannot simply disagree with others without the need to suffer.
It will thus be an Inner Journey into understanding more about the cause of one’s suffering.
And throughout that journey, one will eventually discover that the severity of one’s suffering will always be determined by how much one is rejecting themselves and other selves.
One will start to realize that the more one rejects the other person for having a different opinion, the more the anger and the need to control the other Self will arise.
And the more one rejects oneself for having a different opinion to others, the more the fears and confusion there will be in expressing one’s thoughts.
The more one realizes the cause for one’s suffering is due to the state of Self-Rejection, the more one will discover the beliefs within that are driving the Self-Rejection.
And the more one realizes Self-Rejection as the cause of one’s suffering, the more one will realize that the key to Self-Transformation is to develop Self-Acceptance—to become more accepting in life.
The journey of Self-Acceptance
One can begin that journey by trying to accept that it’s ok for others to think differently. And as one tries to accept someone one cannot accept, no doubt the suffering states of mind will surface even more.
Realize that pain and discomfort will always accompany the journey of Self-Transformation as they are symptoms of the old mind being challenged.
The way to develop greater wisdom is to develop Self-Acceptance in both directions—to realize too the need to accept oneself for having a different opinion.
As one tries to accept others and oneself, what one will gradually realize is that one cannot accept the parts in others that one is currently rejecting in oneself, and vice versa. This will help one to realize the importance of developing Self-Acceptance in both directions.
The practice of meditation will help one to understand the journey even more. Without meditation, one can end up developing only outward Acceptance, making the journey a journey of accepting opinions. It’s only when one learns to gaze inwards that one will realize that the point of the journey is to develop Self-Acceptance—to accept parts of The Self that one cannot accept.
One will often find themselves in the following scenarios when trying to develop Self-Acceptance:
One scenario is that one tries to accept the other person’s opinion by holding back one’s urge to disagree.
Another scenario is that one becomes confused as to whether it is right or wrong to disagree with others.
Another scenario is that one manages to disagree with others vehemently in full force.
Another scenario is that one tries to disagree with others by suppressing their emotions.
And so forth.
Which scenario is right or wrong to develop Self-Acceptance?
Realize that on the journey of developing Self-Acceptance, there is no right or wrong ways of “doing” things as long as the intention to develop Self-Acceptance is there.
So, one can use life experiences in the way they see fit to best develop the wisdom of “unconditional acceptance/love”.
Sometimes, one may need experiences of holding one’s thoughts back, and sometimes one may need to practice unburdening one’s emotions and thoughts truthfully.
It’s important to incorporate meditation into one’s journey because without meditation, one will not know their mind. It’s by practising meditation that one can become ever more aware of the nature of one’s suffering—i.e. what one is rejecting. The more one knows about themselves, the more one will know what they need to accept more in life, which can help one to accelerate their journey of Self-Transformation. When one is lacking Self-Knowing, one will not know what experiences one really needs, which can lead one to practice Self-Acceptance in an imbalanced way, leading to a slower progress.
Honesty will also be a great catalyst.
See Catalyst – Honesty for more details.
Path Of Creator
Disagreement In Relation To The Path Of Creator
On the journey of developing Self-Acceptance, one can often feel that one is forcing the practice of Self-Acceptance. One may even develop the belief that Self-Acceptance is developed the more one forces the practice.
Realize that the focus of practising Self-Acceptance is not so much to drill the practice into one’s mind, but rather to develop wisdom out from the experience the practice provides.
For instance, through practising Self-Acceptance, one can begin to see that if it’s ok for others to have different opinions, then it should be ok for one to have one’s own, which will help one to transform their fears of expressing themselves.
But this wisdom can only transform the mind if it’s developed from one’s actual experience rather than reading it from a book. That is why it’s important to use life experiences to develop wisdom that is transformative.
See Catalyst – Internalization for more details.
A Meaningful Conversation
When someone disagrees with us, we can often perceive that person as being unloving.
However, this is usually the case when we often disagree with others from an unloving mind, from a rejecting state of mind, for instance, judging others for having different thoughts. When we are constantly disagreeing with others from a negative state of mind we can fall into the belief that others are doing it too.
Developing Self-Acceptance will guide you to perceive the experiences of disagreement differently.
As you try to disagree with others with the intention to accept, you will begin to see others less in a negative light when they argue with you.
You will perhaps also begin to see the brighter side of such experiences, that when others are disagreeing with you, they are actually giving opportunities for you to voice out your honest thoughts so that they may receive your point of view, which may help them to see the world in a different light.
So, the more you develop Self-Acceptance, the more you will begin to see disagreements as simply the sharing of different perspectives so that a bigger picture can be painted by both sides. In this sense, disagreements can be interpreted as an educational experience rather than a condemnable one.
Realize that the most deep and meaningful conversations will often be those that is full of disagreements and discomfort, for its only when the mind is challenged with something new that old ideas can be refined.
So, practising Self-Acceptance can lead one to develop great wisdom from their experiences that can transform their existing beliefs to become more accepting in life.
Know and Transform The Self!
Reading articles helps with understanding, but to transform the mind, one realizes the truth from experience.
For such an enlightening journey, the Self-Transformation Course has everything you will ever need!