"Unreasonable people only exists in the eyes of the beholder"
We will all meet someone who are unreasonable or make unreasonable demands on us. These people can often seem "strange" and “illogical” to us. When this happens, it can make us feel unable to accept their beliefs and actions, making it impossible be around them.
So when we meet these kinds of people we can easily become confused as to whether to love them or hate them, or how to forgiven them or deal with them.
This article will look at the reason as to why these people exist and how we can use these type of experiences as Catalyst to accelerate our journey towards Greater Happiness.
Unreasonable In Depth
What we define as unreasonable will always recede back to the Ideas that we carry within ourselves about what is Loving and what is not Loving. Thus from a spiritual perspective, an unreasonable person does not really “exist” in the world outside but only in the world inside.
The article will address the ways to deal with people who are unreasonable and the Deeper Cause of why we can perceive other people as “unreasonable.”
Dealing with Unreasonable People
How we deal with unreasonable people will always be up to our own choice, thus there is no “right” or “wrong” things that you can do. This article thus is not about learning what one “should” do or one “should not do” when one is dealing with an Unreasonable person rather it is more so about how we can Accept the unreasonable person and use the experience as a means to catalyze our journey towards Greater Happiness.
Realize that we can never be happy if we live our life being angry with each other or if we spend our life running away from each other. Poetically speaking, true happiness can only be experienced not by criticizing a storm, but rather to simply accept it rather than being affected by it. But remember Acceptance here does not mean running into the storm, but rather it is about developing inner-acceptance. Realistically the best thing to do in a storm is to seek shelter of course!
How do we accept the person in reality will be a confusing question when we are faced with an unreasonable person because our reactions will always be a Negative one. In that moment the state of mind can be in a confused state, of thinking of ways to fight them or to avoid them.
The best course of action is thus to try our best to bring the mind back into a state of Stillness rather than to focus on one’s energy to try to figure out a means to solve the complex scenario. When trying to solve a situation with a confused and agitated mind, the answer will be a confused and agitated one.
So try to simply observing the Negative State with Stillness without trying to exaggerate it by thinking of ways to destroy the Other Self. This will help to bring clarity into the mind and then the answer to how to deal with them on a physical level will naturally come. Of course to be Still when the mind is Chaotic will be difficult, that is why the practice of meditation is greatly recommended and there are many free practices that you can try in the course section of this website.
In terms of facing an unreasonable person, we will experience more negativity the more we have unresolved issues to do with Control within i.e. the more we want to control the other person the more we will Suffer because people are simply difficult to change. Thus to change them in just that one moment will be as impossible as the act of moving a mountain. Thus the more one wishes to change the other person for who they are the more they will fail and experience Suffering. Thus in this situation it is best to simply re-direct one’s energy on working to address the issues to do with Control. See Catalyst – Control for more details.
Use your energy to move and transform yourself rather than trying to move a mountain.
Importance Of Addressing Unreasonable
The issues of experiencing Negativity when we encounter an “Unreasonable Self” must be addressed if we wish to expand our mental and physical health. This it because the negative states such as anger and frustration can be very draining, not to mention that there can also be a tendancy to engage our mind in endless imagination of how to deal with them in our mind.
Do you often find yourself holding a grudge against a particular person?
As the Ideas of what defines an unreasonable person comes from our Ideas of right and wrong, when we become attached to these Ideas it can also affect our lives in a negative way. These ideas can drive us to live our life in avoidance of these "undesirable" people but it will be a fruitless journey because these kind of people exist everywhere.
Do you often find yourself trying to avoid certain kinds of people?
To Accept a Self that is unreasonable is one of the greatest steps one can take to develop one’s progress journey towards happiness. Because as one develops the Acceptance towards that one particular person that always has a way to irritate us, we are not only accepting that one person, but also all other individuals in the entire world that may carry that trait we cannot accept. And at an even deeper level, we are also accepting the parts of ourselves which we are subconsciously Rejecting. Such is the great journey of the soul.
Path Of Creator
Unreasonable In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey begins first with understanding that the deeper reason as to why a person is “unreasonable” is because of the Ideas we have about how the Self should be and how the Self should not be.
And such Ideas we have towards Other Selves will always come back to the Ideas we have towards ourselves. To help motivate one to such a journey of developing unconditional Self-Acceptance, one can realize the importance of aiming for greater happiness rather than the arguments of what is right and wrong behaviour, because simply focusing on the latter will only bring frustration and unhappiness because everyone is just so unique and different.
Thus the journey will involve developing Unconditional Acceptance towards The Self – Other Selves and Ourselves.
The journey is about finding the cause as to why we cannot accept certain people and certain part of ourselves thus it is a journey of knowing and transforming the Ideas we have about what Self is / should be. What one will discover is that what we find unreasonable within ourselves we will find unreasonable in others, and what we find unreasonable in others we will find unreasonable in ourselves.
The destination is towards love and acceptance inwards and outwards.
At The Idea Level
As the Seed Cause of all forms of Sufferings will recede back to Negative Ideas, let us look at a possible Negative Idea that is related to this topic.
"It is not ok to be unreasonable"
--->I reject myself and others when I am/they are unreasonable
= There will be fear when I appear unreasonable because it is not ok.
For the mind which carries the negative declaration, the person will tend to hold a fear of being unreasonable, at the same time reject people who are unreasonable.
The journey of developing Self-Acceptance is about transforming the Negative Idea from "It is not ok to be unreasonable" -> "It is ok to be unreasonable"
The transition towards the positive declaration begins when one realizes that what one cannot accept in others are a reflection of one cannot accept in oneself.
For instance, as we get angry at someone for being unreasonable by asking us to buy them coffee at our own expense, it is simply representing the fact that we will reject ourselves if we were to do the same to others because doing such is an unreasonable idea. If we continue to reject others then the Negative Ideas will only be sustained and will never reach release.
To Transform the Negative Idea, the importance is not so much about doing it at the physical level but rather to do the greater work at transforming the State of Mind. Thus to accept unreasonable people is not about becoming reasonable ourselves, but rather it is about developing forgiveness and compassion towards those who make unreasonable demands and whatever one wishes to do at the physical level will be up to their own choice.
For the mind which carries the positive declaration, one has passed through enough experiences to realize that everyone deserves to be loved. One will also have accumulated the wisdom as to how to deal with unreasonable people, i.e. how to deal with them, how to stay away from them if they create an inhospitable environment, how to guide them out of their sufferings etc.
One's perspective on unreasonable people will also be transformed. One will begin to see people not being unreasonable but rather as incompatible. Thus the actions that one does to deal with “unreasonable” people will no longer be out of Rejection towards The Self but rather one out of Wisdom. The difference is that in the former the state of suffering will be experienced whilst the latter the state of Stillness, Peace and Clarity will be experienced.
The journey is balanced through moving also towards the opposite declaration
"It is ok to be reasonable"
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Whenever you encounter someone who is unreasonable simply ask yourself,
“What is it that I cannot accept about them?”
And then realize that what you cannot accept about them is what you cannot accept about yourself.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
Whenever you are in a state of confusion as to how to deal with an imaginary person that pops up as wandering thoughts in your meditation sessions, simply focus your attention on observing the body journey with Stillness. This is how you can recede back to Stillness and what you will discover is that from Stillness all will seem clear.
Know and Transform The Self!
Try the 10 Day One-Self Catalyst to uncover your deepest Negative Ideas / States of Self-Rejection. In this course you will learn how to naturally let go of judgement towards yourself and others in a powerful way to create greater happiness within.