"When you don't say no people will just assume that you are saying yes"
Defining Saying No
Saying No is about saying no when we desire to.
And the ability to do this can be necessary in situations when people ask us to do things we do not wish to do, or when people try to invade our personal boundaries.
Some people find it easy to do this but there are also people who will find it extremly difficult.
This article will address the Suffering States of Mind in relation to saying No
Saying No In Depth
There are some of us who do not have the “wisdom” to say No.
There are some of us who do not have the “courage” to say No.
With experience one will be able to accumulate the wisdom to say No in the right situations and for some, especially those who have an excess of love outwards, will find doing so very difficult and take a long time to learn the spiritual lessons behind the life experiences.
Often the accumulation of such wisdom can be impeded when there is a Fear of saying No. Because in fear of saying No, it will be difficult for The Self to see the alternative of actually saying No. It is only when one sees the fear as an issue one can then see the possibilities of saying No and begin to develop the Knowing and wisdom as to why one cannot do so.
Importance Of Addressing Saying No
When we have an inability to say no to people, what happens is that we can attract people into our lives that can be physically and energetically demanding.
When we also have an inability to say no, we are actually not allowing other people to Know who we really are. It is only when we say no to things people demand of us that they can know us clearer and realize that we are actually tired or that when we are going out of our way to help them. It is then people can truly appreciate our efforts for helping them. Thus clarity in expressing oneself is how relationships can go deeper.
The most important reason as to why we need to develop the ability to say No is because through the attempt of saying No it is then we can discover the fears and the lessons behind the life experiences. Uncovering these and going through these lessons is how we can grow.
Path Of Creator
Saying No In Relation To The Path Of Creator
We are the Creator of our lives.
But when we lack the ability to say No to people we are in fact letting others create our lives.
The journey is not about saying No for the sake of saying No, but rathert it is to develop the ability to say No in situations when we need to say it and addressing the cause as to why we cannot say it.
The journey of Self-Transformation will thus involve the transforming and releasing of Fears concerning with Saying No.
At The Idea Level
As The Seed Cause of all forms of Sufferings can be traced back to Negative Ideas, let us look at some of the Negative Ideas that can promote the Fear of Saying No.
Often these are Ideas such as,
“It is not ok to be rude.”
“It is not ok to hurt someone’s feelings”
“It is not ok to be too direct”
“It is not ok to be unfriendly”
Usually the attachment to these Ideas happen because of Excessive love outwards.
And as one takes a closer look, one will find that the Fears of saying No to others are there because The Self will fear being rejected in the same way if someone was to say no to them.
The Fear can actually be more intense the more there is something that one needs from the Other Self. For instance, one may find it difficult in saying no others because of the fear that others may refuse help if one needs it in the future. Learning how to be independent thus will help one to greatly clear this confusion of the mind.
Thus two sides of the issue has to be addressed. And to address it will involve developing Self-Trust and Self-Support because when one has support for oneself one will no longer have the fear of being Rejected by Other Selves.
The journey of Self-Transformation will take one to realize that it is ok to simply be yourself, to show to the world who you really are. Spiritually, this is about becoming a clear Self for others to see so that they can learn from your uniqueness, as we all have an unique gift when we are simply "Being" because that is when opportunities for friction and learning can arise.
The fear of saying no is released when it becomes refined to the wisdom of saying no. So it's a transformative process. The more you attempt to say no, the more you will realize the fears, and realize the wisdom behind the life experiences which will help you to transform the fear, the experiences will take you to become aware of your true desires, and to express your true desires, ultimately helping you to realize who you really are.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Become aware of your Inner World – your emotions and thoughts so that you can be aware of moments when there is a desire to say No to the Other Self – I.e. when people ask you to do something or when they come and breach your boundaries, when you have no more energy to give to others etc. Often when we have a habit of not saying no to others we can become numb to our true desires within.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
When we encounter wandering thoughts to do with themes of people demanding us to do things, realize that by simply not dwelling in these thoughts and focusing on the Body Journey we are in fact learning how to say No to these thoughts at a deeper level.
Know and Transform The Self!
Try the 22 Days Creators Meditation Course to develop Self-Knowing of who you are, of your deepest fears and desires so that you can create the life that you truly desire.