"If you don't say No, people will think you're saying Yes"
Defining Saying No
Saying No is about expressing ourselves truthfully when we don't want to do the things that people ask us to.
Some of us have no problems saying no to others, but some of us can find impossible speaking such words.
This article will explore the reasons why one can encounter inner-resistances to saying no to people and the ways to address the inner negativities that may arise in such situations.
Saying No In Depth
Let us explore the minds of those who have great difficulty in expressing their desires of saying no to others.
In such minds, one would often find the fears of offending others and the fears of being rejected by others.
Often, these fears exist in the minds of those who are always striving to love others in the most "perfect" way as they could. Because when one excessively directs love outwards in this way, one can end up caring too much about how others can react to one's words.
Such fears can create great suffering illusions of the mind. For instance, the fear of being rejected by others can compel one to see reality in such a way.
For instance, even when others are not rejecting us, the fears can make us see it that way, driving us to overthink about other people's speech and body language so that the fear can be justified.
When the fears of saying no are left unaddressed for long periods of time, not saying no to others can become a habit. One one can slowly forget to question one's true desires, even convincing oneself that one is happy to say yes even when one does not want to deep down inside. So with time, one can forget one's entitlement to rejecting other people's demands.
It's only when one begins to reconnect with their Self, their true feelings and their emotions, that they can gradually Know what they really want to say. Otherwise, one may simply be doing things out of fears and habit patterns. The mind may not care but the heart always will, communicating it's grievances through the states of unhapiness.
So, it's important to develop Self-Knowing.
As one develops greater Self-Knowing of oneself, one will gain greater motivation in saying no, and in doing so, come face to face with their suffering states of mind that has been causing them to hide their true selves all this time.
Importance Of Addressing Saying No
When we lack the ability to say no to others, what happens is that we can attract people into our lives that can be physically and mentally demanding.
Also, when we choose not to express our true feelings, we are taking away the opportunity from others to know who we really are.
It is only when we can express ourselves truthfully, i.e. to say no to other people's demands, that others can know our boundaries and appreciate the help we give them. When you are a yes-person all the time, people will rarely take the time to appreciate you for all the things you do for them.
Thus being clear about who you really are will help relationships to deepen, though the fears may convince one otherwise.
Realize that the most important reason for developing the ability to say No is not about saying no to people all the time; rather, it is about discovering the fears that are holding us back from being our True-Selves.
Path Of Creator
Saying No In Relation To The Path Of Creator
We are the Creator of our lives.
But when we cannot say No to others, we are giving others the choice to make the decisions for us.
The journey is not about saying No for the sake of saying No. It is about learning how to express oneself truthfully: to be able to have the courage to say no when we need to say no.
Thus, the journey of Self-Transformation will involve transforming and releasing the Fears we carry within that are preventing us from being truthful to the world.
At The Idea Level
As The Seed Cause of all forms of Sufferings can be traced back to Negative Ideas, let us look at some of the Negative Ideas that can promote the Fear of Saying No.
“It is not ok to be rude.”
“It is not ok to hurt someone’s feelings”
“It is not ok to be too direct”
“It is not ok to be unfriendly”
Usually, the attachment to these Ideas is caused when we direct love excessively outwards.
The more one develops the Knowing of the cause, the more one will discover that the Fear of saying No to others is there because one also fears being rejected by others. Because one has experienced that pain, one does want to give others the experience of that pain by rejecting them.
In a sense, if one can learn to transform and release that pain, one will be able to transform their ways of looking at the experience of rejecting others. What one can do to release this pain is to develop Self-Support. When one can support oneself, one will no longer have the fears and experience the pains of being Rejected by Other Selves.
Another thing one can realize to accelerate their journey of Self-Transformation is that when there is something that one needs from the Other Self, the fears concerned with saying no can become more intense.
For instance, one may have the fear that if one says no to others, others will refuse to help them in times of need.
Thus, learning to be independent will help one greatly in working through their fears.
It is ok to just be who you are
The world will always accept you as much as you accept yourself. This is because our reality will always be created by our Mind, i.e. how we perceive the world. The more one works on their fears, the more they will realize just how much their fears have distorted their sense of reality.
Spiritually speaking, there are many benefits to simply being yourself, even if you can come across as arrogant, selfish, rude, and so forth.
Realize that we all have an unique gift: the power of simply being ourselves. It's only when we share this gift that friction and learning can arise from our relationship with others.
The destination is towards developing the wisdom of saying no.
And the journey to get there will require one to make many attempts of saying no because in doing so, one will discover the fears, the causes of the inability to say no, which will all boil down to a lack of Self-Knowing and Self-Acceptance.
Once these are developed, one will be able to be themselves for who they truly are and also accept others in the same way too, even if they say no to us!
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Become aware of your Inner World—your emotions and thoughts—so that you can be aware of moments when there is a desire to say No to the Other Self.
And then try to say No when you feel the need to. Doing so will help you to discover the hidden negativities within. You may also discover that the mind will try its best to convince you that you don't want to say no!
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
In meditation, when we encounter wandering thoughts to do with demanding people asking us to do things for them, realize that by simply choosing to focus on the Body Journey instead of dwelling in these thoughts, we are earning how to say No to these thoughts at a deeper level.
Know and Transform The Self!
Try the 22 Days Creators Meditation Course to develop Self-Knowing of who you are, of your deepest fears and desires so that you can create the life that you truly desire.