"Learning to Love Oneself"
In this article, entitlement is about developing the awareness that we all have the right to love ourselves and to be treated properly by others.
In short, it's about learning to love oneself.
To love is natural, whether it is to love others or ourselves. However, one can easily lose awareness of one's entitlement to love when one is constantly striving to love others, to meet social and cultural expectations, etc.
For instance, one can easily lose awareness of one's rights when one has become accustomed to being taken advantage of. It may be that one has become used to verbal abuses from work colleagues, always working overtime without being compensated, constantly sacrificing onself for others or letting others take credit for one's work, and so forth.
Realize that when one has become so used to a particular pattern, i.e. being taken advantage of by others, one can forget to question whether that pattern is loving or not, and consequently forget about the rights that one's entitled to—which is to not be abused by others.
In this article, we will uncover these sort of patterns, the areas of our life where we may not be loving ourselves enough, so that we can fill it back up with love and happiness!
Entitlement In Depth
Let us explore some examples of what entitlements can be, which will help one to spot the areas in their life where they may not be loving themselves enough.
As an employee, our entitlements can mean many things: working in a safe place that is without fire and health hazards; getting paid fairly; getting treated well by our boss and colleagues; having time for breaks throughout the day, and so forth.
As a citizen, our entitlements can be about our rights to privacy; to use public amenities; to be treated fairly without prejudice by the people around us and so forth.
In a relationship with someone, our entitlements can be about not being physically and mentally abused by our other half; to have the right to say no to the things we don't want to do; to leave the relationship if we desire, and so forth.
When we buy things online, our entitlements as a consumer can be about receiving the goods in a good condition, reasonable time, with the product fulfilling the claims in its descriptions.
These are just some examples of what our entitlements can be.
It's easier to know what our entitlements are when they are set out plainly for us to see, for instance, in the contracts we have with our workplace, in the bylaws of a region or the greater laws of the country, in the details of our electricity bills, in the invoices of the services we engaged in.
But usually in life, one would have to make efforts to become aware of one's entitlements because most would be unspoken and unwritten. For instance, you won't be able to find a contract between you and your colleagues on how they should treat you properly. Thus every day, one has to learn how to love oneself from exercising one's own judgement and wisdom, which can be difficult and terrifying, especially for those who are afraid to question others and stand up for themselves.
The way to develop the awareness of whether one is loving oneself enough is to carry the intention to love oneself more and more every day. This will help one to become aware of their habit patterns through nudging oneself to question more when situations concerning love in life arise.
So, to begin the journey of developing awareness, one can begin doing things to love themselves more: spending more money on oneself, finding better seats to sit in restaurants, expressing discontentment when bullied, being kinder to one's body, learning to share one's opinions with others, and so forth.
From time to time, confusion can arise when one tries to approach their experiences differently. Questions can come from the mind, such as:
"Is this the right thing to do?"
Am I being too loving to myself?
Am I being too arrogant?
These experiences of not knowing what to do can be very beneficial for the mind because it's a sign that the mind is being pushed towards an unfamiliar habit pattern. So, see these "negative" experiences as "positive" by using them as opportunities to transform the mind, to do something different—to love oneself more than before.
Path Of Creator
Entitlement In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey of Self-Transformation is about learning to love yourself and others unconditionally because the more one can do so, the more one will be liberated from their Suffering States of mind.
Developing the awareness of one's entitlements can help guide one on such a journey, especially those who do not love themselves enough.
Realize that one can never love themselves too much, unless the meaning of loving oneself too much means only loving oneself but not others. If that's the case, then the mind can be better balanced through learning to appreciate other people's entitlements.
As the work of transforming the mind is at the level of the mind, becoming aware of one's entitlements is not so much about forcing people to love us in the way we wish to, but rather, to simply develop the awareness of whether we are loving ourselves enough, and ways to love ourselves even more. Thus, if we are in a relationship with someone who doesn't love us enough, it's not about forcing them to love us, but rather to love ourselves enough to let the other person know our concerns or make the decision to leave (if one considers these actions as a Self-Loving Decision).
So, instead of focusing so much on finding the "right" actions to execute on the outside, one can simply focus on learning to love themselves more, to become aware of one's entitlements on the inside. As that awareness is developed, one will want to approach their experiences differently. This is when one will begin to explore making different choices, decisions, exploring various ways of acting around people. This is how one can begin to re-discover Oneself.
At the end of the day, what one chooses to do on the outside will always be based on one's free will so there is no right and wrong choices. Different actions will always bring different experiences to the mind, so one can use to one's advantage to explore the catalyst of entitlement in various ways to transform the mind
The Deeper Journey
As the journey progresses, one will ultimately realize one's deeper journey—to see that the journey is not so much about discovering the many different ways we can love ourselves, but rather, to discover the reasons for the lack of Self-Love in the first place.
Thus, the deeper journey is one of discovering why we have been limiting our access to greater happiness and love, why we have been letting others taken advantage of, why we never stand up for ourselves, why are we not allowing ourselves to take opportunities in life that can grant us greater happiness, and so forth.
As the deeper questions are asked, deeper causes will be found.
Perhaps one will discover that they have deeply rooted beliefs about how they are undeserving of love.
Perhaps one will discover the fears of being rejected by others if they love themselves too much.
Perhaps one will discover their attachments to ideas of a Perfect Self, ideas of morality and virtues, expectations of different roles, and so forth.
Like this, as the deeper causes are realized, one will realize that to address them, one will have to refine the beliefs they have about themselves and the world.
Practising meditation will be especially helpful on the journey because it will help one to still the intellectual mind, which can be train-wreck full of self-limiting beliefs. By stilling the mind, one will be be able to see their habit patterns clearer as to how they have been carrying oneself towards a suffering direction. It is by becoming aware that one can start to realize the need to refine their habit patterns so that new paths can be paved towards greater happiness.
Perhaps, one will realize that it's ok to be more expressive as they release the fear of showing off their talents in front of others.
Or perhaps one will begin looking for better jobs as they realize now that they are undeserving of being in a suffering job.
Or perhaps, one will start to find better friends, better diets, better lifestyle, better clothes, and so forth.
We are often unaware of the limitations we place upon ourselves to access greater happiness and love until we question the ways to improve it. That is why just by carring the intention to love oneself more can help one to discover so many things about themselves: the self-limiting ideas, the fears, the beliefs of worthiness, and so forth.
The seed cause for all self-limitations will always come back to Negative Ideas. To understand more about Negative Ideas, see Catalyst - Discovering Negative Ideas.
Many Negative Ideas can be discovered on such a journey, for example—
“It is not ok to be loved”
“It is not ok to be happy”
"It is not ok to be right"
"It is not ok to be honest and hurt others"
"It is not ok to win"
"It is not ok to be arrogant"
"It is not ok to showoff"
The destination is to become aware of how we've been limiting ourselves with our beliefs, and transforming them through life experiences so we can love ourselves unconditionally.
You Will Always Get What You Deserve
Your life is your Creation.
This is the Truth that one will ultimately realize on their life journey.
In life, it's easy to think that all the things we have: the jobs, friends, quality of our life are the product of our luck and efforts. But the real drivers behind our failures and achievements in life are actually the "Beliefs" we carry about what we deserve in life as they can influence the way we make decisions in life.
For example, when we believe that we are only entitled to a low paying job, that belief can compel us to only go for low-paying jobs, and becoming less aware of the richer opportunities that pass us by. Even if one manages to overcome the inner-resistances and grasp these opportunities, the self-limiting beliefs can turn these experiences into fearful and self-judgemental experiences.
So, although putting in “Effort” in life is extremely important for us to manifest our desires, our beliefs will always decide the quality of the outcome.
Look around and you will find how far self-beliefs can carry people in life. If one looks hard enough, one will be able to find many people in high position roles, and some of them can be utterly incompetent compared to the people who are in lower-paying roles. And what usually sets them up? Their Self-Belief! So, instead of judging these kinds of people, see that there's something to be admired about them!
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Ask yourself the question—
“Do I deserve Happiness?”
If you have problems answering this question, obviously it means that there are Self-Limiting Beliefs within.
You can also ask yourself the questions—
“Do I deserve a higher paying job?”
“Do I deserve more loving friends?”
If the answer is a no or silence, then one certainly needs to learn how to love oneself more!
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
You can use the experience of meditation to develop more Self-Love.
Every time you experience the suffering states of mind, instead of dwelling in it, simply observe them. That will be the deepest way to release them out of your system and show the mind how much you love yourself—by choosing happiness over unhappiness!
Let the mind know that there's no need to Suffer!
Know and Transform The Self!
Try the 10 Day One-Self Catalyst to uncover your deepest Negative Ideas / States of Self-Rejection. In this course you will learn how to naturally let go of judgement towards yourself and others in a powerful way to create greater happiness within.