"People take advantage of us because we allow them to do so"
Defining Taken Advantage
Taken Advantage is defined here as a situation when one is being “used” or “manipulated” selfishly by Other Selves. For instance, when one is being asked to do a job without any pay, when one is being ordered around by Other Selves, or in situations when one is in a friendship with the other person being in it just for the money and so forth.
Being taken advantage of can also be seen as a situation when one is making a loss rather than again.
This article addresses the suffering states that one can experience when one is being taken advantage of.
Taken Advantage In Depth
We all have been in situations when we have been taken advantage of. For instance, when we thought someone loved us but only realizing later that all this time they have been just using us for our money / time / talent and so forth.
Naturally we will all meet situations in life where we will be taken advantage of.
The focus of this article is not so much about how to address the outward situation – because with time we will all accumulate enough wisdom to know how to solve the external problem.
The focus of this article is about addressing the Suffering State of Mind that can be experienced when one is being taken advantage of because as long as this is not addressed one will continue to experience unhappiness in such situations.
Importance Of Addressing Taken Advantage
The feeling of being taken advantage of can be a very Suffering Experience. One may think that it is a “Natural” state of Mind to “Suffer” when one is being taken advantage of. But it will take one a while to realize that the “Suffering State” of Mind is indeed not natural at all. It is only after one transforms the Negative Ideas within that one can experience greater happiness in life –i.e. without their happiness being affected even when they are met with a s situation where they are being taken advantage of.
Without addressing the issue, one can often over-react to a situation when one feels that one has been taken advantage of. Also, one can also over-think a situation and fall into a belief that one has been taken advantage of – i.e. imagining that the Other Selves are not loving them when in fact all of these thoughts are just in the mind.
One can also fear and avoid situations where one may get taken advantage of.
Also, one can also become confused as to the roles that each gender role should play , i.e. how Women should be and how Men should be. The issues of being taken advantage of may make men think that they are doing too much for the woman, and vice versa.
Path Of Creator
Taken Advantage In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey is about releasing all suffering states of mind in relation to the experience of being taken advantage of.
Throughout the journey one will develop the Knowing of The Self and discover the Causes for the Suffering States of the Mind - perhaps it is because one is angry at the Other Selves for using them to their own desires or it is because one is angry at themselves for not having the ability to say No.
The more one develops Self-Knowing, the more one will be able to address the cause more directly. So Self-Knowing is what will create great progress on one's journey of Self-Transformation.
At The Idea Level
As The Seed Cause for all sufferings will always recede back to Negative Ideas, let us look at one of the Negative Ideas that can promote the negative experience of being taken advantage of.
“It is not ok to be taken advantage of”
For the mind which carries this Negative idea, one can feel upset / anger / and disappointment when Other Selves take advantage of their good- will.
Sometimes one may not experience this Negative Idea until much later in life. For instance, there can exist people who are fine with other people taking advantage of them i.e. to be used as a slave, to be used as a tool, to be bossed and ordered around, to fulfil requests from other people without expecting anything in return from them, to go into a one-sided relationship and so forth. These Selves often carry an excess of Love outwards, and often have desires to be taken advantage of.
But as everyone is on a journey of expanding their happiness, there will be a point in their life when they realize the need to Re-Balance the Direction Of Love because it is only through such that greater happiness can be found in life.
And as ones tries to balance the excess of love outwards with inward love, this is when the hidden Negative Ideas can surface. This part of the journey can be truly confusing and challenging because one is now challenging and questioning one’s values / one’s beliefs of how one should be.
The central theme of the journey towards Transforming and Releasing the Idea is the Balance of the Direction of Love. There are many type of experiences which can help catalyze the journey. One type are experiences which can show to The Self that they are being taken advantage of because they themselves desire to be taken advantage of i.e. they allowed it to happen.
And when The Self decides to re-balance the Excess Of Love Outwards, then the experiences which will be helpful are experiences which reveal to The Self that other people often ask for help not because they want to take advantage, but rather because they are less capable – thus such experiences will challenge the The Self to refine its discernment of whether or not one is actually being taken advantage of.
The destination is towards a peaceful state of mind no matter if one is being taken advantage of. The journey towards this state of mind can be accelerated through developing the confidence to express oneself honestly, as often it is due the fears of expressing one's feelings honestly to others such as saying No to others that can lead to situations where miscommunication can result, or situations where others will take advantage of.
See Catalyst - Saying No for more details.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
To know whether or not you have the desire to be taken advantage of, simply try to refrain yourself from doing things for others when you get nothing in return and observe any Negative Reactions within. If you cannot let go of the desire to help then there is attachment and imbalance within the consciousness.
To know whether or not you have the Negative Idea that “It is not ok to be taken advantage of” simply observe the state of Mind when you do something for others when you get nothing in return.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
By simply focus on observing the physical sensations on the body in the Creator's Meditation without exaggerating or diminishing them, you are learning to be honest with yourself.
The more you do this, the more you will become aware of your deeper desires when people ask you for your help in life. It is then you will know truly whether or not you want to help them, which will help you to give them an honest answer because often it is because of the lack of such awareness that we can feel taken advantage of when we give our love away and later realizing that we didn't want to give it.
Know and Transform The Self!
Sometimes we do not know how to set boundaries because we do not know our deeper desires. Often this happens because we think too much with the mind about what is right and wrong.
Try the 22 Days Creators Meditation Course to develop Self-Knowing of who you really are so that you can create the life that you desire that reflects the real you inside.