"To love unconditionally is to love without expectations."
When we create rules in our minds on how people must behave, we are creating ideas of expectations.
"You should do this!"
"He shouldn't have done that!"
"I should be like this!"
When we look within ourselves, we will be able to find the many ideas of expectations we have towards ourselves, others, and the world.
For instance, we could have expectations towards how our parents “should” love us, or we could have expectations towards ourselves to always be polite in front of people, or we could have expectations towards the product we just brought that it must be of good quality.
It's natural to create ideas of expectations in life because we will all have our own standards and desire for particular outcomes.
However, when we create attachments to our ideas of expectations, the suffering states of mind will be experienced when things don't turn out as we expect. This article will explore the "Expecting Mind" and the ways to transform it.
Expectation In Depth
Why do we create Ideas of Expectations?
Rarely, one would question themselves about why they have expectations for certain things to happen in certain ways in life. Usually, one would simply react negatively when someone doesn't act according to one's desires and blame them as the cause for one's misery, for instance, to blame our parents for not loving us in the "right" way, to blame the other person for being "impolite" to us, to blame the world for the constant misfortunes, and so forth.
It's common for the mind to blame the world outside as the cause for one's unhappiness because that is where our sight is always placed: outwards. But the deeper cause will always be inside. However, it is by taking an inward journey into ourselves that one can discover how their ideas of expectations can affect their unhappiness and als, how they came to be. On the journey, one will gradually discover is that these ideas of expectations are essentially the ideas of right and wrong that we have created within.
For instance, if we believe that it's wrong to be arrogant, then we would expect others to not be arrogant.
For instance, if we believe that it's right to not lie, then we would expect others to not lie.
Having the ideas of right and wrong is always part of the personality. However, when we become attached to these ideas, then the suffering states of the mind will be experienced when someone does something "wrong."
See Catalyst – Right and Wrong for more details.
How did the ideas of Right and Wrong came to be?
These ideas of right and wrong could have been picked up anytime during our lifetime here or in our previous lifetimes if one believes in reincarnation.
For instance, we could have picked up ideas of right and wrong from the way our parents raised us, from the ways our friends treated us, from our teachers, from our culture, tradition, religion, and so forth.
But the attachment to these ideas will always be driven by one's constitution, which is the bias that has been set even before birth, from which emerges the personality so that one can be taken to their preferred spiritual lessons.
To liberate oneself from the suffering states of mind is to release the attachment that one has towards their ideas of expectations, which are the ideas of right and wrong. Such a journey will take one to learn about the lessons of love, one's unique spiritual lessons, because that's what the ideas of right and wrong essentially are: ideas of what is love and what is not.
Importance Of Addressing Issues To Do With Expectations
Let us look at how the attachment towards the ideas of expectation can bring about suffering and limitation to one's life.
Realize that when we create ideas on how we must be in life, for instance, ideas on how to be helpful, how to avoid certain people, how people should treat us, how we must be dressed, and so forth, we can block ourselves from Knowing who we really are.
Realize the difference between living as "I should" and as "I am." The latter will take one towards greater happiness as there is no greater joy for one to simply be who they are. The former will only offer a path of stress, worries, and unhappiness.
By learning to not expect oneself to be a certain way, one can become more truthful in communicating to others about what they truly feel and think. This can help Other Selves to realize who we are, which can scare off people who don't like our true selves and attract those who can accept us for who we are.
Being a true self is how you can attract true friends.
When we have expectations on how others must behave, these ideas will lead us down a path of great disappointments and suffering. With time, one will realize that everyone is so unique in this world that there will always be someone in front of us that will act in a way we hate. And one will discover just how difficult it is to confront and control these people to see the world in the same way we do! Thus, our ideas of expectations can bring about great states of anger and frustration.
Path Of Creator
Expectation In Relation To The Path Of Creator
One can begin the journey by understanding more about the ideas of expectations they have and whether these ideas are impacting their happiness. If they are, then there will be issues of attachments that needs to be addressed.
These ideas we have about our expectations will always be about the ideas of right and wrong, of what is love and what is not.
These ideas can also be understood as Negative Ideas
Negative Ideas are ideas that promote Self-Rejection. They can be understood as the ideas we have created in the mind that begin with "It is not ok.."
"It is not ok to be ignored."
"It is not ok to be taken advantage of."
"It is not ok to be nosy."
"It is not ok to be careless."
The attachment to these Negative Ideas will make one perceive their life experiences in a negative way.
“He should not have ignored me.”
“He should have paid for the meal.”
“She should have asked me about what I did in the weekends.”
“My mum should have paid more attention to what I said.”
The journey of transforming the beliefs we have about what is ok and what is not ok is a journey of developing unconditional love: learning to love ourselves and others for who they are.
By learning to accept oneself unconditionally, one will be able to live without the stress of needing to act in a particular way and dwelling on ideas on how to be "perfect". By learning to accept others unconditionally, one will be able to enjoy everyone's uniqueness and oddity. This is how one can truly release their attachments to their ideas of expectations and experience greater happiness in life.
To accelerate the journey, one can learn from others who do not expect much of themselves, i.e. those who are able to accept their own imperfections and not care about what others think. These will usually be people that one will hate and avoid because they will embody traits that goes against one's perception of what is perfect.
That is why the practice of meditation can be helpful as it will help one to Still the criticizing mind so that one can nudge the mind to follow the heart's desires for unconditional acceptance.
The destination is towards developing unconditional love, which is the state of love without expectations.
Know and Transform The Self!
Reading articles helps with understanding, but to transform the mind, one realizes the truth from experience.
For such an enlightening journey, the Self-Transformation Course has everything you will ever need!