"Realize the difference between Aloneness and Loneliness"
Loneliness is a Suffering State that most of us are all familiar with.
The Suffering state experienced in Loneliness comes when we have an unfulfilled Desire and most of the times this will often be a desire for some sort of relationship with Other Selves. For instance, we can experience suffering when we have an unfulfilled desire for someone beautiful or someone who is intelligent or someone who will love us etc.
And the painful experience of “Loneliness” will increase the more we crave for the relationship that we do not have. And it can worsen even more when we are constantly “Stimulating” our Minds with the things that we desire.
Loneliness In Depth
Loneliness is a State
When we look for the Cause of Loneliness outwards it is easy to come to the belief that it is the lack of companionship which creates the feeling of loneliness but as one looks deep within one will realize that it is the lack of Self-Acceptance.
The Suffering experience of Loneliness is actually Caused by the way we perceive ourselves. I.e. the experience of Loneliness happens when we cannot accept and be content with what we currently have because we “believe” that we need more than what we have to be happy. This Idea is basically a Self-Declaration that what we are not already "Complete" and “Perfect” and will never be truly happy until our desires are fulfilled.
Thus when we address the issues of Loneliness we have to realize that it is more about addressing the State of Mind rather than concerning ourselves with what we don't currently have. That is why even a King who has everything can experience Loneliness. That is why the most famous celebrity can experience Loneliness. That is why the most successful businessman can experience Loneliness.
Sometimes the state of loneliness can also be experienced when one experiences failure. Here again, this state of mind is experienced because there is a lack of Self-Support for oneself.
So realize that to truly release ourselves from Lonliness will involve the developing of “Love / Acceptance” towards ourselves.
Loneliness Vs Aloneness
There is a difference between Loneliness and Aloneness.
Aloneness simply means a person who is alone. There are many people who have enough Self-Love within that they can be content with being alone without the experience of Suffering despite not having any money or friends. Thus these kind of people can experience happiness even when Alone.
However there are also the type of people who choose to be alone because they are driven by their suffering states of the mind i.e. judgement and hatred towards other people. This is not so healthy because to them the choice of being alone is simply an escape to face their own negativities.
Loneliness on the other hand is different in that the state of Suffering can be experienced whether or not one is alone.
Either way, it is easy for people to experience Suffering when they are alone especially when they have a lot of Inner Negativities waiting to be worked on because when we are alone without the distractions from the Outer World, what is happening in the Inner World will become clearer resulting in the "surfacing of unresolved, suppressed, buried emotions and thoughts and often these are the things that we have been running away from throughout our lives – I.e. our Negativities.
In other words, when we experience Loneliness we are in fact experiencing the surfacing of the spiritual lessons / Negative Ideas from within. These lessons will no doubt include the lessons of letting go, Self-Trust, Self-Compassion and so forth.
Most people will just experience Loneliness as an experience without Realizing the lessons beyond it. But as one simply observes the Negativities coming and going rather than reacting to it one will be able to see through the darkness and find the lessons that they need to go through.
And doing such will be easier said than done because when we are faced with these lessons often it is so easy to revert back to our old habit of distracting ourselves with other things to do because to simply accept Loneliness with open arms can be a painful / uneasy experience for most people.
Temporary Cure For Loneliness
Thus the most common solution that people would choose to address loneliness is to find something to distract themselves so that they no longer have to face our Negativities head on.
This can include having a “goal” or “purpose” i.e. starting a business project / or more commonly to find a partner and doing so can greatly pull our attention away from the painful experience. But the fate of such a solution often is a dark one because what one will find is that no matter what we do or what person we find eventually our negativities / spiritual lessons will surface again and again to haunt us if we do not address it as a core.
Here it is not to say that one should live a life of solitude or without goals. For instance, there is nothing wrong with finding a companion or setting a greater goal in life. It is great to have these goals for other reasons. The point here is that when we use these simply to address the issue of loneliness the solution will always be a short-lived one – to give an extreme example, what would happen after our partner leaves us? Or if our business project fails? Then would we not be back in square one in terms of our happiness?
Realize that Within Loneliness are deep issues concerning security and Self-Acceptance. And it’s only when these issues are dealt with that Loneliness can be truly addressed and released.
The deeper causes for loneliness can be difficult to see when one does not Know Oneself well enough. That is why the practice of meditation can help one so greatly because it will help one to develop greater awareness of why they are experiencing such a negative state of mind.
Importance Of Addressing Loneliness
The first step in addressing Loneliness is to first develop the intention to address it.
To develop the intention we open our awareness to the ways Loneliness can create Sufferings in our lives.
Loneliness can create the illusion that we are “Empty and have don’t have Enough.” This can create an illusion that no one truly loves us and that we are alone without support or without a higher purpose in life rather than living and dying. - this can create a lot of sadness and pessimism.
When we are lonely, it can also drive us to crave for all sorts of relationships even ones that are highly unsuitable for us.
Loneliness can also drive us to “Imagine” talking to people that are not even there or have engage in the thoughts of being in a relationships with them in the Mind. When the Mind is stimulated in such a way we will be less “Present” and develop a habit of over-reacting and alway imagining. This is a Catch-22 because such a state can make it hard for us to form relationships with other people.
Loneliness can also create painful sensations of the Heart and this can be physically damaging to our overall health because as the heart is the center of our being, a weakened heart will impair all functions of the Physical Body.
Loneliness is also synonymous with States of Depression and when we are in such a state it will make it even difficult for one to interact and develop relationships with people because everyone are all subconsciously attracted to people who are happy.
Loneliness Can Be Released
It can be easy to believe that it is "natural” for people to experience sadness and happiness and that is why people often fall into the illusion that loneliness should not be completely eliminated because it is a “part” of life and we will always “experience it” no matter what.
But realize that this belief/mentality is there in Minds who has not found a way to properly address it or in the Minds of people who are either are too lazy / lack responsibility / or too fearful to address this particular issue.
Realize that Loneliness is not necessary in life and Loneliness is a state that can be completely Released – Yes, it is possible for one to live “Alone with Nothing” and not experience any Suffering States of Loneliness. it is important to realize this fact because without believing that loneliness can be released then one will lack the motivation to do any work on oneself.
Path Of Creator
Loneliness In Relation To The Path Of Creator
As with all forms of Sufferings, the Seed Cause of Loneliness will always recede back to the lack of Self-Acceptance.
Thus to address Loneliness we have to develop Self-Acceptance.
Thus generally as one simply works on their Sufferings in general the issues of Loneliness will naturally dissipate.
But in Particular to Loneliness, the Seed Ideas concerning Loneliness can be represented with the following Negative Declaration.
“I will never be content if I don’t have....be with someone....”
Transforming The Negative Idea
The Journey of Releasing oneself out of Loneliness will involve one to go through many Spiritual Lessons such as lessons to do with Self-Judgement, Self-Approval, Self-Trust / Self-Satisfaction / Entitlement in particular.
The journey will thus involve building love and forgiveness towards The Self and transforming/releasing one's Fears and Negativities. It will also involve the understanding of relationship beyond the surface level which are the sexual desires (See Catalyst-Desires), the expectations (See Catalyst-Expectations) and so forth.
The Wisdom you will gain throughout your journey is the wisdom that whenever you have a relationship with someone you are in fact having a relationship with yourself. See Catalyst-Relationships.
Realize again that the destination is not so much in becoming alone like living as a hermit in the desert. It is about developing Self-Acceptance so that even when you are alone by yourself with nothing you can still accept yourself. When we experience lonliness, most of the time it will be because we are in a state of Self-Rejection - i.e. we are in a state where we cannot Accept ourselves as is. This can be in situations when we don't have what we desire, when we underperform, when we fail, when we are affected by other people's judgement of us etc.
Once you release the state of your Loneliness then all will become clear and from that point of clarity then you will be able to develop healthier and more stable relationships not out of Loneliness but out of Choice/Love.
And as one continues to Transform and Release their Negativities and realize that it is possible to experience Greater Happiness by releasing their Loneliness bit by bit one will begin to realize that it is simply a waste of time to experience Loneliness.
The desires for an intimate relationship
When we lack acceptance towards ourselves as is, it can be all too easy to experience loneliness when we are alone. If we look outwards for the solution to our internal problem it is easy to fall into the illusion that by getting into a relationship will fix the problem. This is not to say that relationships is not beneficial for one's own growth, in fact within relationships lies great potentials for even greater knowing (But this is only possible if one has the intention to grow rather than to simply stagnate and do nothing).
Realize that from a spiritual perspective, Relationships are meaningless if one simply gets into one in order to escape from loneliness and using it as a safe-hole to escape from one’s loneliness/negativities.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
Examples of what you can do to gain Insight.
1. Do things which make you appear alone and observe the internal reactions. These can be eating lunch alone, or going to a restaurant or watching a movie alone.
2. When people ask you to go out with them but when you prefer to be alone you can try to voice it out.
3. Try to be honest as you can with everything that you do and experience the internal reactions that can happen.
See Catalyst – Being Present for more details.
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
When you experience Loneliness you can simply Meditate.
In that moment of Loneliness it can be difficult for you to convince your Mind to sit down and meditate. But once you manage to sit down and Meditate in Aloneness what you will discover is that sense of Loneliness will immediately disappear as our Mind recedes to Stillness.
That is when we will begin to discover that Loneliness is State created out of the Negative Thoughts we have towards ourselves.
Know and Transform The Self!
Loneliness is there because One does not really know Oneself. Once One knows who they are, of what their deeper desires and dreams are in life and how to get there then the experience of lonliness will gradually disappear
Try the 22 Days Creators Meditation Course to develop Self-Knowing of who you are, of your deepest fears and desires so you can transform them and create greater happiness in life.