"As long as we are happy with ourselves, that's all the appreciation that we need"
We can choose to do a lot of good in our lives, for instance, helping and giving assistance to others. However there can be times when we feel that there’s a lack of appreciation from others for what we have done for them. And this feeling of underappreciation can be worsened when we get criticized for the work we have done for our friends, for our work colleagues, for our loved ones etc.
In this article we will explore the suffering states of the mind associated with the negative feeling of being underappreciated. We will look at what the cause is and the ways to transform and balance the mind within.
Underappreciation In Depth
When we do something for others, we can feel underappreciated. When this happens we can experience the suffering state of mind.
The negative emotions often associated with such experiences are emotions and thoughts to do with unfairness, rejection, judgement, right and wrong.
These emotions and thoughts are felt more strongly the more that we do for others.
So when the more that we do than what is necessary the more backlash we can experience when we are underappreciated.
These emotions are also felt more strongly the closer we are to someone, or the more we care about what the other person thinks of us, and these can include our managers, our loved ones, our relatives and so forth..
Importance Of Addressing Underappreciation
It's important to transform the suffering states of the mind associated with being underappreciated.
To address the suffering we need to first have the desire to address it. So here we will look at the ways to naturally develop the desire to by understanding how the suffering states of the mind can impact our lives.
The emotions of underappreciation can affect our relationships with people and with our work.
It can bring about feelings of loneliness, the feeling that maybe no one likes us.
It can make us sensitive to how people see us and drive us to dwell and react to people’s remarks instead of just letting it go.
It can make us hate the workplace and take away the motivation for us to work harder because no one cares for our contribution.
It can bring about feelings of anger at the people who ignore / criticize us in times when we have done something for them.
The deeper issues to do with the feeling of underappreciation can also be due to that we are doing too much for others. And what has driven us to do so much for others may be the fears of not doing enough. These fears can include the fear of appearing lazy, the fear of doing something wrong, the fear of not loving enough. So behind the feeling of underappreciation may lay other spiritual lessons waiting for us to be discovered.
Path Of Creator
Underappreciation In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey begins with developing Self-Knowing. For instance, one can explore one’s mind to discover the reasons as to why one is doing more than necessary. Perhaps that there is a fear that is the driving force, or perhaps there is a craving for attention. One can also question oneself why one cares so much about how what opinions other people may have. Is it because of the lack of of self-confidence, or a lack of self-belief? One can also question oneself why if there is an expectation for a certain result when the deed is done?
Whatever the case, asking oneself these self-exploratory questions are a great way to develop Self-Knowing which will make the path clearer, because this will help one to uncover the cause to the Suffering States of Mind that one is experiencing, allowing one to become aware of the greater work one has to do to transform the mind.
Ultimately the journey of transforming Self-Transformation will be about developing Self-Acceptance.
Through the journey, one will develop the wisdom that it does not matter whether or not we are judged rightly or wrongly, it does not matter whether or not people care about what we do, whether or not we are doing too much or too less. As long as we are happy at the moment of doing, that in itself is enough to justify for our actions. What compliments, gifts, criticisms we receive from doing such a work is trivial. Such is the destination of greater happiness, of greater Self-Acceptance, which is to do what we love without expectations, without fear of the results, just simply accepting ourselves and others unconditionally no matter what the outcome may be. Moving towards this state of mind is how one can develop greater happiness in their lives.
Often the kind of life experiences that can help to turn us towards the right destination is the sort that nudge /force us to give up the constant dwelling on people's perception of us. It can be experiences such as, for instance where a manager constantly criticize us for being lazy when we have done more than other colleagues, it can be experiences when a lover wrongly blames us for not caring enough about them when in fact we have been going above and beyond to care for them. These experiences can open our eyes to see whether or not we are doing too much, or whether or not we are caring too much about how other people perceive us which will help usto let go of the negative beliefs that is making us feel underappreciated all the time.
In saying this, to benefit from these kind of experiences, one will need to practice some form of introspection such as meditation so that one can become aware of what is happening on the inside when these experiences happen. Because instead of stepping back to observe the situation, one can simply end up reacting and dwelling in pain, in the illusion of rejection, and learning nothing from the experiences.
So it's important to practice meditation so one that can observe the situation with a Still mind and realize just how tiring it is to react to these kind of situations, which will help to accelerate the process of Self-Transformation. Through inner observation, one will eventually develop the wisdom that in the end our own happiness is determined by oneself rather than by others.
The destination is to reach a state of mind where we are in a state of Self-Acceptance, towards others and ourselves, just being happy with what we have done and achieved despite what other people may think.
Relationship Between The Negative Ideas And The Negative Experience
Negative Ideas are the seed cause of all suffering experiences.
The relationship between Negative Ideas and Underappreciation is that the negative experience of being underappreciated happens when a Negative Idea is triggered when we expect something in return from someone for doing something for them.
These are some of the Negative Ideas that can drive one to feel underappreciation.
"It is not ok to be underappreciated"
“It is not ok to be rude”
“It is not ok to be wrong”
“It is not ok to be acknowledged”
To transform these ideas will require one to develop Self-Acceptance – towards others and oneself. To see that it is ok for others to have opinions, to see that it is ok for others to be ignorant, to see that it is ok to simply just believe that what one is doing is right.
To journey to transform these ideas will be lessons to do with developing Self-Confidence and Self-Belief. The types of beneficial experiences that one can partake are the ones that are already listed above.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
When you feel underappreciated, you can ask the following questions to explore the mind
Why is there a need for others to appreciate us for what we do?
“Am I expecting something from others for the deeds I do?”
Why did I even need to do more than what is needed in the first place?
“Is there a fear that is driving me to do more than I need to?”
Why can't I just be happy and not care about how other people sees me?
Why can't I simply accept others opinions of me?
The Creator's Meditation / VipassanaLink here
Every time we experience underappreciation, we can sit in meditation and simply observe reality as is. The more we try to not give in to the reactions that we experience in meditation, the more we are calming the mind. And in calming the mind, the more the suppressed feelings and thoughts can come up. When this happens, we simply allow them to come up, observe and let them go again. This is the cycle of going deeper and deeper into the mind
In this way we are developing Self-Knowing, which will eventually take us to realize the cause of the suffering states of the mind, and also help us to realize that when we dwell on these kind of emotions and thoughts, we are only hurting ourselves – which will allow the mind to naturally transform and let go of the unnecessary Negative Ideas within.
Know and Transform The Self!
There are many free courses that you can try on the Courses page for you to develop greater self-confidence. To feel appreciated will always begin with learning how to appreciate yourself.
For example, the Self Blessings Meditation will guide you to learn how to develop Self-Acceptance by practising a 5 minute Self-Acceptance technique every night.